Finding my way

Finding Yourself

Ever been in the situation in dire frenzy to locate the blob of "blue tack" that had always laid around ur desk being in the way. Just when you need it, it goes MIA and operation hide-n-seek formally executed so that I can "pin" up my annual exam time table. I am sure these under-used items have a mind n legs of their own taking revenge on the fact I dont place them on my "piority" list.

Frustrated and exhasted from all the foraging, when I least expected, the stupid blue blob called for exercise cut pasting its content onto my butt as I sat on my chair. Alrite, I am exaggerating but come on, these kinda things happen dont they?

I dont like feeling lost.

Lost:
1.To be unsuccessful in retaining possession of;
2.To be unable to keep control or allegiance of:
3.To let (oneself) become unable to find the way;
4.To remove (oneself), as from everyday reality into a fantasy world.

So many years have indulged myself into the daily struggles and pursuit of social, academic and spiritual acceptance I think I've lost myself. When I was a primary school kid, there's this memory flash of my primary 3 chinese teacher, Hong Lao Shi counting the number of years left to study: 3 to Secondary, 4 to JC or Poly, then 2-3 more to University entry and another 3 more to complete the story. That easily chalked up to 13 plus years. Imaging telling a 9 years old kid he had 13 more years to go... which makes up like his current total lifespan with addition of a few years. Take his breathe away I say, what a child dreads most is school and homework... I think everyone will know what I mean.

Thinking back, a blink of an eye its 14 plus years ago when she left me shell shocked... in a year time I'll be donning my greens whislt having attained what all my chinese teacher had spoken of. During the past decade, the main aim was to clock sufficient "milage" and complete the educational phase. Just when one is reaching the light at the end of the tunnel, he is thrown into a blinding blanket of light forced to squint or grop around in order to advance cautiously.

Yap, thats what I am getting to... soon studies will be all over and the mundane process of growing up is? Start a family? Strike a career? Everythings a blur thats for sure, guess this is a growing up stage for everyone? Or just that I am wierd kinda chap who does not know the importance of raking in fat pay cheques to fuel a material life?

The internship period really gave me alot of time to reflect and discuss issues. Another milestone which marks as a page in my growing up and self discovery to my strength, weakness, love and hates.

I am a simple guy who have funny dreams... When I am lost, I tend to find out more things about myself and the surrounds... isnt that an irony?


The more I try to seek a path, the more exasperated things will go for me. There will be a day when I retrieve back this excerpt and jeer at the state of confusion I am in now, but meanwhile, getting to the rainbow, I'll have to bear with the rain. I'll find my way!