Road so far

My internship is already halfway through, 11 out of 22 weeks flashed passed. I must say I am accustomed to the low stress condition of the workplace. Cannot imagine in another 10 plus weeks I'll be back into the hectic 5 module semester in addition to a Final Year Project. I've came through so far, saw so much underwent a plenty I reckon, year 4 will be a challenge I will relish! Its the lack of goals and ambitions which led me to thinkin even passing a semester can be acounted as a challenge. Actually come to think of it, life in SCE aint a smooth ride which I am sure fellow Computer Engineers take pride for each year they stride across unscattered.

What have I been up to these few weeks? Out of action? Laying low and dormant? No way, this is PatriX you are talking about, of course he has antics up his sleeves and stuff to entertain himself lar. The driving lessons are going smoothly and I am left with the final 6 road revisions before the actual test. PatriX had never been gd at planning, he forgot his FINAL THEROY expired!!! Now I have to retake the test and pass it before I can attempt my driving test.

I litter my evenings with visits to the library (believe or not, I read!), driving lessons and I run (yes, my BMI still cannot pass &^&*@^#%$). Weekdays, its end to end action which always keeps me on my toes. I am learning and applying what had been inculcated within me since poly days, which I am rather entralled and prideful of my own achievement. Sometimes it makes me wonder, how come so many of my peers dis-regard pride and sense of achievement instead to monetary incentives. Can one really be happy with a gold mine in the bank account accompanied by an empty heart? Whenever I get shot down for loving my job regardless military or current internship, it really kills off any kind of mood. Why cant ppl be more accomodating to others? Or rather I am too fussy and picky, others have sense of humour which my short temper cannot tolerate, but when you've got numerous friends who at the same time have that "acute" sense of humour on me, is it my fault, not for me to judge. Just have to take it with a pinch of salt, with very very huge fingers.

Weekends, time to play, relax and let down the uptight serious moods. I am beginning to dread it instead. Saturdays by norm are outings with my mates. It cant be blamed, everyone has got his own life now, therefore we won't stay together forever am I right? On the otherhand, I am rather demoralized by the fact everyone comes out just to get dinner and then ran out of things to do. Not sure if any bother to come up with suggestions but I am sick of being the organizer and I particularly hate it when I am branded "You occifer what!" I hate it, totally! why!!! DO I carry airs around just because of my officership? Why must others look at me through tinted glass... is it really a sin to earn a higher military pay but get trampled by the others!

Shed the shadows and get back into the rainbow! What is the favourite colour of PatriX? Green? (HAH!) Red? White? its LOVE lar so easy. He never fails to look out for prospective prey, or more like predators. C'est la Vi girl suddenly made her appearance after 6 months of MIA. MSN is the closest I can ever get to the girl with wings. She's a great listener! Maybe due to the fact that I am always too long winded. Anyway, talking to her always brighten my day... she even drew me a picture!!!

I am sure my fans remember the crush from my internship, let's give her a name, Casey. Casey reappeared back into my life when I was like cut her from my memories. This time, she was the one who called me alrite! I didnt do anything!!! Before anyone thinks PatriX finally got his act right and level up his charisma, WRONG! She called me to inform that she is a qualified FINANCIAL ADVISOR. I dont have to go on further. Anyway, I am soft-hearted, gentle and dont know how to say NO to girls got down to a presentation with her. Oh my, having a 1 v 1 interaction really lights my smiles but its time to forget and I am sure of that. I am there as a friend, to assist, to guide, to entertain.... this chap will never get lucky.

Finally, we always save the best for the last. DCIS fans of patrix realm will be in for a shock who I met up with on Monday evening. Let me digress alittle into the world of movies first. Ever saw characters that had been bullied or teased badly during the younger years. Suppressed, bitter and out for revenge they wait for adulthood before they unleash their wrath. I was fearful of a senario like that, so I dated a quiet girl during my poly days. Miss Annabelle! We talked about the dumb stuff that happened during those days in SP and it was really really funny. Admirable on the part that she went off to england alone from her family and stayed for a year in Middlesex university for her pursuit of a degree. A person faced with a period of independance really changes and experience alot. The initial contact was rather suprising! Imagine never talking to a person before when classmates for 3 years, meet up for 3 hours and everything pours out hahahah. In case everyone thinks I fall back into the despero mode again, no lor! The punchline came when I asked about her sister. She told me that her sis was with a scholarship with Home Affairs.

Initially, I thought it was some government high admin post but it turned out she's a uniformed prision counseller. Some sort of police warden position, maybe on a higher seniority, but none the less uniformed in blue. Anyone remembered the stupid dream I had getting hitched to a police officer? The moment Annabelle told me of her sister's scholarship, I was like OMG! That piece of news really just triggered the dream I had during some of the darkest day of SCE. Will I even attempt to probe further? Stay tuned hahahahaa!

When I was 19

During a chat with Shaun, suddenly "Shaolin Soccer" came into the picture and my... did that movie mark a checkpoint in my life. Have to rewind time back to 5 - 6 years ago when I was 19+ awaiting for NS enlistment. I vividly remember it was like 1 plus week before going Tekong, my relationship was on the rocks and already gearing up for the worst to happen.

Let's get back to the movie, why I said it entrenched in my mind is it was the last picture I had with Catherine. The last time I looked straight into her eyes, the first time tears welled up in mine. It was more like a "showdown" which supposely to be held after the movie, but as we know Patrick always had a rash nature can really keep his nerves was anxious to know the verdict(damn, I was like literally begging to be taken back). Of course, everyone knew what happen next... The uprising and aspiring girl had to remove any excess baggage which may hinder her advancement into the soceity.

I was dropped, so did my heart... torn and disappointed I turned around and shuffle slowly away. Oh yeah! still have the 2 "Shaolin Soccer" tickets in my hand, so like a gentleman or more like a miser dowan to waste the ticks, I asked her if she still want to watch the movie. Guess she was like heck it lar... its time to rejoice with a free status and she obliged the so called "death wish" of this chap. Suprisingly, I was roaring with laughter throughout the movie... of course I stole a peek at her at times and I saw the puzzled n maybe scared look on her face. Come to think of it, cannot blame her, aint this the guy who just lost his puppy love, how can he be laughing so heartily, has he lost it? No, I did not... I rem coming till the end of the movie, I was flooded with mixed feelings and emotions. The movie was a comedy, I knew it was my last movie, I knew it will be the last time I'll be this close to her, I knew walking out means no more goodbyes.

Exiting the theatre, we parted and went seperate ways. En route back up to the MRT platform of CCK, I checked the hp SIM card we applied together and stumbled across some of her undeleted SMS. There and then I was faced with messages of concern, flirtatious content by another close guy friend of hers. Well, like a hot blooded reckless kid... I was furious, maybe more like mental break already. I exited from the MRT station and advnace towards her place instead.

Reaching her void deck, I finally cracked. Never had I realised I've got such powerful vocals as I sent my voice thundering across the neighbourhood. Like a manic, I shouted up to her place(lucky she stayed 2nd floor only) and I was "greeted" with a persplex face with a crumpled face of anxiety, confusion and sadness? Yes, yes... she aint that heartless, I hope, but who knows? I just vented, released and exploded there and then. The only verse I rem was "So what do you want from me!" I was so pissed off... tried to salvage the relationship which most probably I was too boring and the realtionship's expiry date was up hahaha.

I could feel the surge of adrenaline in my body I could tear anything apart. Like a cockster, I swang my fist and met the metal pillar. Boy, did the platform's roof shook... and the aftermath, I was awarded with bruised knuckles for 2 weeks. So after taking a hit, hand cannot take it liao... but cannot lost face cause lost enough liao, i dashed off and sprinted towards home. Hoping the lactic acid will kick in and endomorphines ease my pains. Everyone knows I was a fat kid then... and meeting up the citeria of an obese chap, I managed only less than 400 metres!!! before my legs wobbled and lost my breathe, mind and knuckles.

To wrap things up, like actors in the movies I bought myself a pint of alcoholic beverage. Gulped the contents down, upon reaching home ended up with hangover. I was like "bedridden" with a splitting migrain and unstable legs due to the effects of alcohol and the "sprinting" dragged myself to the toilet bowl juke to puke.

Ahh... how it was like to live the yesteryears. Getting the incident back into my mind, this chap is so hilarious! Many will have heart wrenching endings but mine was more like comic relief. Under-estimating of own strength, stamina still wana act hero. But from ther, I realised I could shout and the tingling sensation over adrenaline overload which got me thru NS. No wonder I signed on.

Let this be a story for me to remember and remind... Love is like a game, but most of the time I am the prey. Whatever....

PatriX

Walking into new grounds

The past 2 weeks were rather enjoyable, so whats so strange about that? It because I finally have assignments and tasks. To add on the "bliss", I am suppose to roam into LINUX which is a totally foreign ground to a long term enslaved WINDOWS user.

Just when I was complaining about routines, there and then something comes knocking on my door. Everyday was an exciting journel and real time problem solving. It all just boiled down how resourceful I have to get myself to think on the ground and pick up information from all available channels be it internet, books, articles or even interviewing my fellow colleagues.

Strange as it seems which I have always been skeptical of becoming a programmer, but I am actually enjoying the process of discovering new realms and challenges. Of course there'll be times of dampen morale and the thought of throwing in the towel, but there's just something within me that also urges me on. Interest? Commitment more like the sense of responsibility of not letting myself down. Guess the years of dabbling in the IT world really has affected one's interests and passion.

This internship may be the step of self discovery once more... the second awakening? Or step to recovery of sanity? How about penning down a list of stuff to kick start? I really hope I will have the courage and faith to keep myself challenged!

- Get my driving license, so that I can drive YOU around
- Go for a short getaway upon the end of my internship
- Get myself prep for the crunch 4th FYP
- Prepare myself for AHM (yes... this regular finally wana challenge himself)
- This may sound uncannily farnie, but I've been like trying to imagine me doing the waltz, we shall see
- Set sights onto the world and see more of it!
- Ignore all those who pin nasty remarks about my career path but ALWAYS add on "I not saying you hor"



Everything's gonna be alrite

Living your comfort zone

Day by day, time just flashes pass and blink of a eye 7 weeks has passed! My internship feels more like a holiday rather another semester for NTU. But not alls a bed of roses, I work... maybe not totally for the company at least I am answerable to the time I spend during this internship.

Jeffery, my IA supervisor, is a very interesting chap. Unlike other fellow interns who were given tasks and projects, never a moment I could sit down and concentrate on a stipulated proj for more than 3 days. New assignements, research, ideas keeps me on my toes all the while. Google is my best friend who never fails to educate, enlighten and guide the doubts and questions during my learning phases.

Its a totally different kinda of Internship that one expects of an Comp Engn. I dabble into ERP, MRP, Supply Chain, ROI all sorts of busniess and marketing strategies instead of sitting still going thru the life cycle of Software Development Life Cycle (SDLC) reviewing on the requirement elicitations and CODE. Min. coding, maxing surfing!

Today, I was called in for a discussion with Jeffery. Started off as another mentor sharing session on Rapid Response providing real time information desemination btw the Customer and Supplier. Reaching the end, he shared an insight of his life with me. A dream he has, a target in his mind and I could feel his passion to achieve his dream.

LEAVING one's comfort zone. This routine lifestyle is slowly encasing me to a schedule. Wake up, Report, Lunch, Knock off, dinner, TV, Bed and the cycle just relives itself. Is that what growing up is all about? Looking forward to weekends and holidays where upon arrival I feel lost and dont know what to do?

I sat myself at a open field and gazed upon the heavens wailing to the stars for answers... Came so far and gave it all, in the end what matters ? I sound childish but just cant lie to myself, many of my friends just give me the blunt reply

"study hard, get good grades, earn big money, drive big car, live big house, marry dream girl, start family"

Born and bred a singaporean, meritocracy is a way of life and I dont deny its effieciecy and equality of the system but am I too blinded with all the material wealth I can fill my future household with but end up with an empty heart?

A dream, target, goal... to rekindle the passion. Leaving my comfort zone and expose more to the world. I want to backpack, bungee jump(hope the rope dun snap) or do all the things I would have never thought of doing before. Doing the waltz on the dance floor will be nice. One things for sure, I gotta get my license ASAP and thats a promise

PatriX