I will work hard....

I didn't talk or smile or interacted much today because something happened. Has been a long long long time ever since I felt so down and out. Think the last time was when I finished my last paper Year 2 Semester 2.

Had everything planned out... I cancelled my driving lesson so could like have a decent farewell or even an invitation to a dinner will be great. Actually wasnt hoping for too much anyway, not as though trying to get hitched but maybe a date. (have been harpin on a date for donkey years, damn I sound despo) Maybe the few hours of tele-conversation like brought up the tetestorone levels and I falled into the pits of the forsaken once again.

The knockout punch was delievered just before lunchtime. Naive and stupid, thought my pride can withstand the fact that I was never "considered". HiaYah... things just go funny when one is crazy lar. Lets not digress... Mister A told me actually MIss C asked him out when Mister B(Me) was just playing second fiddle.

So whose to blame? A for being sauve and charming? C for not choosing me? Ah yes... we get to B WISHFUL THINKING la! Its a serious case of swallow pride and bang balls senario for me.

For ppl who know me, I just kept very quiet... cut off all emotional displays and concentrate on my assignment for the rest of the afternoon. Its the first time in the whole of 3 weeks, not a glismpse, uneccessary fidgiting or even changing field of vision. To indulge into my project was the only form of escape I could find to ease the unbearable pain? Really cant call it pain... maybe a sore or bump. Some call it fate, bad luck or worst still the FACE. Think I'll try to stick with the first 2 before my self confidence is totally drained. We shall see abt that when it happens.

Strike 2! Today's definitly not a sunny day... but after a run in the courts and a reunion dinner with lou hei indeed cast off the clouds. Another day awaits, cut off the loose ends n let the kites of gloom drift off from me. Everythings just a dream.

PatriX