PatriX's Realm

Having a good memory.. Bane or Bless ?

2011-11-15T01:59:00.000-08:00

Just watched a farewell video for one of my fellow colleague... it made me wonder about my previous Command tours.

I resumed service with the mental thought that its gonna be a hellish journey with all kinds of nonsensial requests and deadlines. Looking back, i would have to agree some times its like that, most of the time, its peppered with heart wrenching goodbyes.

"I wana ensure every men under me learnt something about life and became a better person than he / she had ever been."

Statistically-wise, I wont say I scored a perfect 10, maybe a hit rate of 70 - 80% We come from many places all across the land... Its quite challenging, yet fufilling to had had the chance to "fathered" so many individuals during my command. So many of them now graduated, careers, fathers... goodness... time really flew

How many names can you remember in your life? As a PC I thought 30 names was a challenge, as an OC I thought 90 was another challenge... but time and again I had been proven wrong. I still remember every single individual whom came across my command, I wonder if they still remember mine =)

Till date, I have said countless goodbyes... and some of which, were really quite memorable, some unbearable but always with a tinge of loss. I dont think I can with stand much more of friends leaving...

I am going to be a Father

2010-10-21T09:14:00.000-07:00

How many atimes we've heard ourselves anticipating the next chapter / milestone / phase in life... I am reaching mine =)

Fatherhood awaits me in less than 24 hours.

Though I feel un-nerved and calm about the pending arrival of my lil princess, there is a stiring deep inside me akin to the calm before a storm. Its not those kinda dreadful, moody sensation but a built-up of excitement, anticipation yet with a tinge of fear

As the man of the house, I have so decided for the safety of both my wife and daughter to undergo caesarian instead of natural birth. To lead without a doubt so my wife would have confidence to deliver... The decision looked firm and straight forward, but I can vouch it wasnt. I have to weigh the pros / cons, risk manage, seek advice and experience... before I can make the judgement.

I think the worst part for me now is that I will have to see my wife go under the knife, weaken by the op and endure pain for my girl's arrival. My vow was to love and protect her... yet now for the arrival of our bundle of joy, I have to place her under this situation. It hurts me =(

Part and parcel we may say, but whenever I hear Amber giggle to her moving tummy and playing "Tom the Cat" to Jing Xuan; Everythings worth it =)

A monumental event is gonna happen.

My daughter is going to be born and we are going to be Parents

Love You, Yan Lin
Love You, Jing Xuan

With my Life.

回憶过去

2010-10-02T00:13:00.000-07:00

10 months

Took up command on 18 Jan 10, 0800hrs... I knew its gonna be a roller coaster ride (mostly with deadly plunges) and verified, it was more like a bungee trip!

My team and I went through the norms:
- FORMING
3 PC + 3 PS + 1 CSM we accessed obstacles and challenges whilst knowing individual personalities / characteristics and capabilities. Teams were constructed to specialize on taskings while "clans" formed within the Company with various individuals finding their respective zone of comfort.

- STORMING
Getting into new teams, friction and conflict are bound to arise... how can I forget the classic dark ages of my command when I question my capability for orders

- NORMING
Everyone "graduated" into masters of their trade... I witnessed Anarchy to a Company that was able to take up anything / anytime / anywhere. Even up till now, I am confident that nothing is impossible... except changing the CO

NDP 2010 is over and mission accomplished. The pain long forgotten, the foot-prints left behind with the memories forever~ Fragments relapse of events come to my head every now and then, but when ever I hear this particular chorus segment so favoured by William Wee... everything just floats back

We come from many places... to complete the mission. I declare mission accomplish and I will cherish the memories

Speed Thru Skills~

OC CCC, 23 Sig

So I say, thank you for the memories

2010-08-12T02:24:00.000-07:00

My nightmare started on 18 Jan 10 0800hrs, taking up the baton for Officer Commanding for a NSmen Bn and Video / Camera OIC for NDP 2010. It didnt helped much when there is no foundation for me to steady upon... everything was from scratch every step was painful.

- I remember the countless hours spent with my guys picking up video / camera basics

- I remember my tear-washed face everytime i drive back home 2300hrs

- I remember the senior commanders who tore my plans time and again

"Are you a quitter?", "Are you so useless?", "Are you that weak"

Above are the questions I kept asking myself day to day...the answer was YES

Reasons why I am standing tall and cocky:

- The men of Command Comms Coy yearning for a leader, whom can lead them out of darkness and into the light... they followed me into the fire-fight their eyes telling me, "SIR, YES SIR"

- Wonderful colleagues whom came along the way... together we navigated, we paved the way, we overcame

- My wife and child (she was still inside Amber) was / is / and will always be my foundation, hope and faith. Because of them, I wanted to prove I am worthy of them~! Her husband is an individual who would overcome it all, accomplish his mission, one whom she can depend on, only who deserves her love =)

Pui Kia's Combined Entry:

I've just jumped from one shit hole to another shit hole... From NDP 2010 to FTX then to WALLABY then... my wife shouldn't read this, MARRIAGE...~ I'll always remember Year 2010.

- I'll remember the hardship I endured throughout the entire year

- I'll remember how people ridiculed my work and how "SOMEONE" told me that I better start running or it'll affect my upgrade... WTF...!

- I'll remember what kind of a f-up S3 I have who has not engaged me at all!

- I'll remember also the nice people (the owner of this blog for one) I meet for NDP... Stanley, Huiling, and from Show Coy (Steph, ShenLi, Aisha, Marcus, JB).

- I'll remember the night myself and the owner of this blog stood together, giving our boss a good one!

- I'll always remember the names of the people who has worked with and for me.

National Day Parade 2010 had been a challenging yet fruitful year for many... Especially for me, I regained my confidence, I will and can excel in everything I do.

PatriX and Pui Kia signing off...

Nothing Beats this

2010-07-22T07:31:00.000-07:00

Few days back, I was at the lowest pits... feeling down and out, drowned and depressed.

But the saying goes, what goes down must come up, what stays low, must climb up. The tough keeps on going... Every dog has his day.

I found the answer to keep on going.... Have you~

patrick

Wrong Move

2010-07-14T07:29:00.000-07:00

How many regrets are there in ones life.... aplenty i guess... but the important thing is to learn from your mistake and move on.

I have never regret penning down the SAVERS and serving my nation. So why the bitching now??~~!!??

This entry serves to remind myself how low I am feeling... how bad I want to scream, how much I wanna run away from everything.

Never have I been so depressed for such an extended period of time. I feel like a dog who only know how to follow.... I psycho myself to follow orders.... I dont know why? Is it because I dont want to fail my boss's expectation? Is it because I want to make sure my subordinates look up to me and respect me? Is it because I want to prove a point that I am not useless?

I think everything mentioned above plays a part to why I trudged on, but one main thing is that I wanan prove to my wife and my daugther that his father is not soft or weak.

The way things are being forced down onto me... I cant find a word to describe it. Why did I take on this posting in the first place? Why dont I retort when I recieve taskings I hate? Why can I reject things I dont like to do? I know I am in the military and I should take orders, but why am I doing a job which I aint trained and not firm on the scope, and have to adhere to instructions which I dont know how to follow or execute?

How am I to lead the ppl behind me if I dont know whats in front? How do I stand tall among them when I cant even pick myself up...

I hate myself for being weak...I hate myself for taking orders... I hate myself

Happy Birthday Patrick Chee (PC)

2009-09-27T23:44:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, when your age crosses 23, everything just flashes by... well at least for me =) 18th Sep came by and reminded me of the amazing 28 years. The 3rd week of Sep 09 was rather eventful and gave me sometime to reflect(again) and take a step back to feel the joy of being alive

The week actually started off pretty bad... upon touch down in SG after my mini celebration in Taiwan with Amber, work just "avalanch-ed" onto me...apparently my handing-over may not be comprehesive enough or the other player wont play ball. Nonetheless, even before hitting ground zero into the office, calls and messages started flooding in (It didnt help much that I lost my mobile back in Taiwan too hahah). Hitting ground zero, upon switching on the PC and email "YOU'VE GOT MAIL"... not many, but each message weighs a ton worth in WORK!

A life-line came by and provided me additional reaction time, but it didnt help much when news was released that the meeting would commence 1700hrs on 18 Sep 09. I wasnt much affected as I've already learnt to accept the fact that my job is unofficially 24/7 stand-by, but it was when I had to break the news to my wife. With a heavy heart, "Dear ah, I gotta work OT on friday lei... so you have dinner by yourself k, I'll try to come back by 8 plus la"

It feels pretty sucky to break the news, but Amber understood my situation and being so understanding and sweet, she just replied "Like that, we(Fenfen, Mianhua and ME~) wait for you to come back lor"

Like I always say, when you hit rock bottom, the only way is up. Things turned for the better the following day... The meeting was further postponed and I was able to return home for dinner! Looks like birthday wishes do come true =)

Look at the cake Amber got me, the 2 rascals were eyeing upon it~

Had a majong game later on, but was interrupted by a call from a relative (works in a Networking organization) querying me about my renumeration package as her coy was trying to recruit personnel of my background. Suddenly stuck upon me, that this was a pending opportunity for a second career if ever I decided to leave.

Woke up at 11.30am on Sat! Its been a while since I ever lazed in bed till such late hours. Well it was a relaxing saturday, just the 2 of us, we caught the movie "The Ugly Truth". Yes, the truth hurts and can be quite ugly at times, but the actual truth is, Love is out there! Scorn it, Dread it, Embrace it, most important, be honest to one another and being ownself

Started off Sunday with Dim sum breakfast with my bros;Deming and JQ at Westmall. Simple yet heart-warming, we've always got together for a celebration for the past 16 years and of course many much more to come. Invited Viktor and Yankang over for soccer night. The Manchester derby was awesome! We spent a total of 7 + 7 minutes watchin the match. 1 minute for each goal replay and the final 7 watching the so called 4 minutes of injury time. What happened to the 90 minutes of game play... its still soccer night of course... but we rather do it the Winning 11 way because we knew that the match gonna be rigged anyway.

Monday morning was a public holiday thanks to our muslim brothers! We had a game at the cage in Kallang to vent the previous night frustrations haha. There were taunts, pushing, shooting at each others asses, but good clean fun, 0 injury incident with everyone overdosed with latic acid and endomorphines. Guess what? I had a cake !! It was a really good suprise (though I expected it) but I really felt over the moon. Thanks guys!

How often can you get a troop of guys singing a birthday song for you and having cakes altogether =)

The day ended with another round at the tables when we went over to a friend's place for Majong. It was an eye-opener to see a toilet with a 10m ceiling (no joke! I could even hear echos when I pee-ed) and the day ended when I managed to clean out thy opponents chips from their drawers HAHAHA

This birthday week has been fantastic! And all these were possible because of 1 person! Thank you Wifie~! Everyone must clap for her because she stood by me when I was down and cheered me on when I was up. What more can a guy ask for~?

Of course, to the inidivduals whom have touched my life... to all my friends, thanks for the 28 years and much more to come =)

patrix

Revenge of the Fallen

2009-09-05T17:21:00.000-07:00

We came, we saw, we conquered! The second competition which allowed the players to pit their skills on the consoles of the PS2. 050909 1300hrs, everyone recieved the briefing of conduct (kinda remined me how I passed instructions during PT run conducts);

The participants: Roy, Ryan, Nick, Danny, Chee En, LZ, Derrick, Sean, Joel and Me

Hard to imagine this "competition" started off from "illegal" PS2 sessions at the ANC office to mini 2 v 2 games to evolving into a frameworked competition. One thing that didnt change.... it was the passion and the cohesive bonds we formed during the short stint with one another!!

We cheered, we roared, we screamed... I am sure we never fail to surprise my neighbours... Whenever I see them exit from the lift or waiit for its arrival, there'll be a "Wah, how come so many guys" look. Actually I am very proud of this...at least it acts as a deterrance, dont mess with this guy, u pee on his landing, he get everyone to shit on ur porch, u scratch his car, he'll rally troops to get yours impounded, you.... ok lets not go into too hostile grounds. Nonetheless, I love this kinda mass events where ppl can crowd in and mingle~

Everyone had a great time...especially when they realised the goal of the day was achieved... Derrick got his revenge =( till next time.... hold on to your crown, I'll be getting it back!

The highlight was ....

The 4 v 4!

How often can you get 8 guys sitting in front of a tv, each holding on to a PS2 controller, yelling and shreking at a soccer match? Yes, we made it happen!! and this is just a start I promise you that hahaha

Till the next time; The Champion Returns

<-- Mianfen brothers slept through the competition, aint the adorable!!

Eleven Minutes Thirteen Seconds

2009-08-20T19:36:00.001-07:00

Welcomed this morning with a piece of good news! Xiao Ming got his IPPT silver! Despite his rantings of unable to overcome breathlessness, giddy spells or nauseous sensations, he crossed the finish line with 3/4 min to spare!

The run started off with him taking the lead against the cadets (i am sure they all stun tio) but as a personal strategy, XM quoted that the pack stratgy really works on him. He needs to chase, to be chased and not left alone. Uncannily, I felt the same way too... whenever you work towards a goal, there must be pain or pleasure as the motivating factor. Fast-forwarding the run... as he cleared the turning pt (ard 1.4km) he still look great, can smile some more, so I wayang abit lo...cause I missed the morning run mah.

"Come ON~! You have met the checkpt timings, keep this pace... Time now 7:40, maintain!...Open your long legs.... last stretch already Come ON!.... Almost there, you've got it" for a moment, i felt like my 3SG back in BMT hahaha. Well, cant blame me for that...I didnt really push my guys back in 8 Sig cause 3/4 pikachus, whereas the rest clear their tests with ease =)

The huffing, wheezing paid off for CPT XM, his motto for the test "Death before Dishonour" You did it, and we salute you OC Bravo coy!

patrix

Bye Di~

2009-08-19T19:03:00.000-07:00

The thirst of knowledge has always prevailed over mankind and the pursuit had brought ppl to many places. Today, my Di Di, Kai flew off over to Boston for his phd.

Cal and Chris came over to my place for the night to prepare for the 330hrs AYE/ECP drive towards the airport. Its really great to have a place where your friends can pop by, to gather or to chill out!

We were all reminded Bed 8's prowess... the individual who refuses to bug despite the alarms sounding all around him, the person who possess the determination to shut out all external disturbances to affcet his rest and the one who suprises all when he rises, not to dress, but to flick the off switch and resume his slumber. Well, I woke ard 310hrs, heard Cal's alarm screeching away, this time, i saw 2 X bed 8 hahaha

Fast forwarding, we settled down at the coffee lounge for refreshments. I just love it when Yingkai's face blanks out and tries to change the spotlight onto another individual... the lip trainer was a really ear-opener for me. (Di, rem to use it ah~!!)

Ah~~ the normalities of farewell, we posed, we hugged, we baded one-another with well-wishes... we will definitely meet up for MAJONG!

As we adjourned for breakfast part 2, the experiences shared by Chris n Teck once again justify patience as a key value for a teacher. There are highs and lows, but eventually, its passion n motivation that'll pave your way! Jiayou the both of ya!

Right now...back in the office... I'm fighting the Z monster but its all worth it, because the simple farewell shown me that 47/02 SOCC will always be there for one another =)

patrix

MoVe IT~!

2009-08-17T20:10:00.001-07:00

Its been donkey ages since the last post and I am certain the fan base rating for this site has pummel to an all time low =)

I've moved on to another stage! actually....many stages. Everything just flashes pass so quickly. At one stage, I was still lamenting singlehood and lack of motivation but something so great happened! The appearance of my gf / fiancee / wife Mrs Chee Yan Lin, Amber

Boy...did things happen! I quote her "Everything just felt so right", YEP! She's right. It may seem like a rushed job, the courtship, ROM, wedding, dinner, setting up AND renovating our home, moving in...everything was completed within the span of 1 year. Trust me... it was a great way to rediscover ownself and one another.

Many had probed, on the difference between singlehood and being married, how come so fast, how did we manage to meet such tight deadlines. I didnt seriously reflected on the points and simply responsed I was blessed to find Amber as my mate (which I still think was a major factor) as she multi-tasks and pushes me with all the information, just leaving me with nodding or shaking my head hahaha. It was motivation. The motivating factor of actually doing something you owe, rightfully yours and only yours. Everything fell onto us, be it big decisions on budget / venue / parental approval to minute details on whats the colour of the petals...every second and minute belonged to us. And it felt great!

A recent incident, a review by my boss, reaffirmed my lack of initaitive and motivation... if only this conversation happened earlier...much earlier... like 1 year back but nonetheless it aint too late for things to change AND happen! Returning home everyday to see my MianFen Brothers and Wife, proves a track record that everything happens for a reason... and that is motivation and commitment. thank you the 3 of ya

We shadow each others life, literally, thus we'll never walk alone

I ought to post more photos of what has been happening around and make effort to revive this site. TIll then

Keep on Moving, moving, moving ~~!!!

patriX

A chapter completed

2008-04-22T09:12:00.000-07:00

18 June 07 marked the first day I stepped in as a Platoon commander. I still remember the first guy who made an impression with me was Nic. He was ranting and giving excuses on not attempting his IPPT and requesting for OFF for any form of improvement. There and then, I was like, wow, how come soldiers these days can bargain so much, am I in for a tough time. He became one of my most trusted and reliable soldier and friend.

Looking back, things just more than meets the eye for each and every person I had worked with. Jee Siang, the champion but really really too industrious soldier. Nic and Danny, the tag team video editing champs. Joel the another ketang of ANC who always have his last words in everything. Kelvin the adorable chap who never swears. Jason the over-zealous skirt chaser. Leonard the leonarpedia. 5 X crazy specs Weijie, Sean, KP, ryan and model soldier Ted. AK my problem solver who kinda like me, complains alot, but he does hella of a lot too~ Many many had left and I had the honour of serving as their commander. It really takes great pride for me to say that each and everyone of them, they have left a part of them in me and will serve as lessons and experiences invaluable and always in my memories.

Chee En, Lum, Zhen Qing have always been there for the company too sharing their valuable experiences and sometimes throw weight around hahah (rem go out control diet abit~) Nonetheless, with them around, my job has always been a breeze.

The specialist that reinforced the coy, the individuals which I really served through the most and got to interact and really know them personnally. Lin Zheng, the one who stole **M fancy, best friend of HS. He is the mild mannered yet stern enough to keep the prodigy of ANC in check, a feat incapable to all, for he is lz, the almighty and responsible logistic specialist. ZZ, you really is someone whom I would like to see more of your type of personality and character. You proved to the world that not everyone are asses, there is still hope, so rock the world with your music. Wesley, your single meal, kungfu yet geekish and incredible knowledge just leaves me with my mouth wide. I will never laugh at a geek again, unless I laughin at myself. HS needs a better maid, but he have the calibre to be the best.

Of course, Derrick, cant forget the counterpart who got the one and only DUO best soldier award. He and ZZ makes the best tag team partner~ seriously, I am super proud to belong to the only company which had the honour of getting the 2 of you nominated and awarded as best soldiers. If only I can put this in the Annual Feedback Report (AFR) but they will prefer more wayang things like being able to send up to 300 emails per day or chalk up 16 extras within 1 PC tour.

My best partners, Joesph, Roy, Junda and CSM, without your assistance and contributions, I am NOTHING!

I told myself that I aim to bring meaning to serving NS to my platoon of 30. Aint too sure if I made that mark, but I am glad I knew each and everyone and of course apologies for not including everyone. You have brought meaning to my life. thank you all!

I dedicate this post to Yan Lin~ my fiancee, for without her, I would have never grit on and believed in myself. Dear, you have accompanied me to complete this chapter, lets carry on to complete our legacy.

patrix

Time to say goodbye

2008-03-10T04:45:00.000-07:00

Bading farewell, i hopped onto the bus as i turned around after a casual wave and "see you around bro"

I found myself a seat, then like drama, my throat felt dry...chest felt tight... the eyes welled. OMG, never did I thought I would feel a sudden emptiness.

As a PC, of course ppl come and go, I give the orders and you follow.... easy as that. Have saw a few batches leave the shades of green and don the myriads of the outside world. Well, the feeling kinda sucked whenever you see your trusted subordinates moving on and continue to carve their future after doing their dues and earning their rites to manhood.

To the individuals who had put their heart, mind and soul for your mates. I salute you. Army is a phase not totally to hone military deterance skills, but is a phase when one can see and trudge through the phases of growing up.

As a haughty, rash and immature officer, I saw myself moving through phases. With every encounter or trial, the ones who supported my cause to continue, its you. The soldiers of ANC, to lead is my honour. Not forgetting, Yan Ling, you are the one who spurs me on~

Today, nick and ak left the company.
"To my best operators! Its been hell of a ride with you chaps. I have seen and picked up so much with my short span as PC. My wingmen, my guys, my bros, my pride."

Long story cut short........ thanks~

patrix

My Creed

2008-01-24T05:11:00.000-08:00

As the brand new year grins upon, the old waves and fade pass by. My rank had been pegged to the property prices, skyrocketing... 2 promotions in 6 months. Of course, the law of equivalance applies, my taskings and responsibilities pegged onto the oil prices, only will soar, never will come down. With the property and energy industries, my mood is like the STI... must see other ppl mood like how US shadows over SG, flunctuating rare ups and mostly downs.

2008 marks a new beginning. From haughty and hot tempered, its high time to step back and reflect on my actions. The initial grillings are actually stepping stones to equip for the future, I offer my apologies and appreciation. Just when someone or something leaves, then will one ponder if the past events will serve as entrenched tragedies, memories or priceless lessons~

I remember the creed which I recited.
"I lead my men by example
I answer for their training, morale and discipline"
This is what I wake up to daily~ The army gave me something very unique and dear. An enriching journey paved my way to maturity. 饮水思源, 18 June 2007, I told myself this will be the motto for my PC tour. The soldiers under my supervision should not waste and rot away the 2 years. My vision is for each and everyone to learn, mature and nurture for their future endeavours.

"I will excel in everything I do
I serve with pride, honour and integrity"
Its my job and I shall do it well.

So what is a job? Why do we see ppl slogging past the MOM stipulated working hours willingly / unwillingly? For swift promotion? To prove their mettle? For their passion and dedication? Cause aint got better things to do?

So many stories, marriages disrupted, health problems, family strains all due to the pursuit of career. Yes of course its important, its what brings the bread, shelter your head, makes the world go round. But there have been so many instances ppl race blindly to ascend the ladder to the highest pinnacle. There are individuals who are blessed with clockwork time management and able to juggle personal and career. How about the rest who push themselves too much and crumble? Are there any plans or assistance from the higher management? Are we but just pawns and expandables?

My point is, is it really worth it to slog it all out and sacrifise your own for the organisation? From my shallow point of view, I am nothing but just a +1 to the orbat to the higher management. You may have nailed it, I am an unmotivated individual who doesnt feel appreciated and whining away.

I believe I am worth more than a +1.

"I dedicate my life to _______"
Fill in my blank bah~

patrick

EQ vs IQ

2008-01-02T23:12:00.000-08:00

Just finished a book I picked out from my office among the pile of junk my company guys manage to compound on a daily basis, "Emotional Intelligence". Yes, its abit overdue for me to carve up this topic, but what the heck, I just picked up reading few years ago.

A really eye-opener as the secrets of EQ are revealed to me. I thought EQ was something which have to be cultivated since birth and not really relavant to our genetic inheritance or biological statue.

Well, I was right and wrong. Right in the sense EQ can be trained, individuals can be more sensitive to emotional cues, knowing when to act and what to act, all the behaviors and reactions can be inculcated into habits which will be practiced upon instinctively when the time calls for.
Wrong, because theres a gland, "Amygdala", which is able to trigger emotional responses before our concious minds fully understood what is happening.

So whats the big difference and how IQ n EQ influence our lives? Intellect, understanding and solving problems, piecing up events to form a clear overview, memory power, etc. Mostly deem as how smart a person is, how well he or she can memorise, solve problems in academically. EQ ? Able to read ppl's feelings, understanding the situation then putting the best solution, more of a soft skill. If you want me to pen down, IQ is rather static whereas EQ dynamic and could be picked up along the way.

So today I went to the polyclinic for a check-up and i manage to strike up a conversation with the rececptionist (fyi receptionist is an old aunty with 2 kids)

receptionist:"Oh, you are with the SAF ah, so 6 years later come out liao lor"

me:"Yes, I am serving as a civil servant. You seem to know alot abt the military operations?"

receptionist:"Yar, my son is inside serving his NS. Stuck for 2 years, waste his time there lor"

me:"I see, with the unique circumstances of SG, everyone has to contribute to the defence and security of our nation, otherwise we wont be able to sustian what we have now"

receptionist:"My younger son also going in a few years time, go in there waste time, cannot go uni"

me:"This is my number right? thanks"

Its quite senseless for me to explain to her the overview which I dont think she understands much of it. Was what I say government propaganda? Have I been brainwashed by my environment? If not for my friends and loved ones always guiding me along, i am certain the aunty would have ended up at the other end of the cooridoor after her remarks. "Waste time", without batting an eyeliud, she branded NS as waste time, which of course I admit at times it really is, but did she ever considered I am part of the SAF. Thus, branding NS waste time, she indirectly say I am wasting my time on my career? Yes, maybe some or majority out there thinks it is time wasting and I cant stop everyone from stating facts or fiction.

Did she consider other ppl's feelings when putting the sentence across me? Its just something to reference upon, I am certain many a times, we are faced with insenstive or un-intentional comments or remarks. Just have to see things from another perspective and not take things too personal. Can that be EQ? I dun know, but I was definitly pissed when she said that. My advise to the crowd, when critisizing or making comments, be ascertain that your target audience will not be offended or affected.

patrick

Why are there more floodings....

2007-12-26T07:50:00.000-08:00

Long from my secondary school days, we were taught that the monsoon seasons during the Nov / Dec period brings us our annual wettest months. Day in day out, the skies alike teenage tantrums, happy, bring out the sun... moody, blanket the skies with clouds, anal and pissed, we end up being drown in sorrows as the sky breaks a hole and let in all the water.

With past case studies, despite the torrential downpour, our well established drainage network proved seamless. Strangely, there have been cases of flooding on certain regions of our island... especially the lower lying areas. How could it be? Our champion planning government didnt map out the drainage system properly meh?

After much thoughts due to being trapped indoors by lousy wet weather, I came to a conclusion... Our island has a sound drainage, its just that we are sinking~

Too many ppl coming into our small tropical island... gradually becoming a playground for the rich and a slave market for the rich wannabes. Globalization has allowed our island nation to rake in the brains and brawns everywhere.

The smart ones wear power suits and sip Dilmah tea in the CBD, the brawn loiter ard little india or chinatown when they knock off. Everyone is coming into our already populous country, and its adding to the weight she can take.

She is sinking, therefore more floods are bound to happen. How can we help allueviate the situation? By daming up marina bay to keep the tides out? Or stop ppl from coming in? I aint smart enough to come up with the policies to get a win-win situation =(

grit on for a brighter and sunnier Singapore bah~

For thy rainbow, thou to bear with the rain~

2007-12-08T20:20:00.000-08:00

My tour as a commander of 20+ guys has so far been rather rollercoaster. There are times that those kids tight-rope on my line of patience or incidents as they get themselves into hot soup awaiting my judgement to fish them out or let them simmer in it and of course triumphant moments when my soldiers display their altruistic efforts, putting in nothing but their best.

Its kinda enriching for me to be empowered with the authority n at the same time the responsibility for 20 over young man taking orders from me. My personal stand is to ensure the 2 years given to our nation wont be wasted. I would want to let them go through trails and experience what life can bring and give to them in order to prep them for the future years ahead after they shed their green uniforms and drop all those army-biased jargons we all love and hate. If you want to put it, its my dream to pass on what I had picked up during my time in "green" and for me to pay it forward for the ppl i interact with. Keeping my fingers crossed and concisence clear to provide my guys only the best I can offer.

Alas, it aint easy to juggle between reward and punishment. Spare the rod and spoil the child, wield it too often and it will create a morale dent. Quite a challenge for me to maintain a balance and just system within the company I am handling. Especially when the upper management of mine aint really a "people" person. So many instances when I get drained and down when faced with unreasonable orders and hurtful remarks...

Sometimes I wonder if its really my boss or is it me who is too superficial and unable to see the bigger, higher view picture of everything. Whether if I had been too defensive of my subordinates.

"Its never the problem of the systems, its the user problem" - quote from my out-going CO.
I believe in what he said and it has proven its track records even wiht my short 6 months.

Everyday is a learning experience for me, to see the sunshine, gale and the rains. What ever comes, I will take it down, no sweat. Nonetheless, I love my job and will keep basking in the rainbows. Of course always remembering thy oathe - to lead to excel and to overcome.

patrix

Blame it on my maid lar~

2007-10-02T23:45:00.000-07:00

Pleasant morning after breakfast, just as the 3 commanders of ANC settled down in the office to take a breather from the hectics of the morning rush n morning blues. LTA Patrick was checking his mailbox whilst managing his routine duties, the same went with CSM and PS. There skipped along a particular 3SG, gleefully arranging the filing cabinet minding his own business.

As Patrick tilted his head, his eyes were met with the sleeves of that soldier. Something is wrong somewhere... he remembered that the camo uniform is more fervenly known as smart 4, why does the bearings of the 3SG's uniform seem abit wierd. Upon closer inspection, he realised that the sleeves of the uniform wasnt as per normal folded to an estimated length of 4 fingers (inculcated by the sergent majors when LTA Patrick was still a recruit).

Looking at the sleeves nearly jutting beyond the elbows, patrick couldnt help it but commented on the bearings of the soldier.

Patrick, PC of ANC:
"Eh, your number 4(uniform) like holding MSG rank instead of 3SG rank" (layman explaination, the sleeves are way too long n looks sloppy)

3SG:
(turned his head smiling sheepishly and resumed his duties)

Patrick:
(realising the soldier dont understand army lingo even after 5 months of enlistment and training)
"Oei, your sleeves are way too long, there's a reason smart 4 is named that way."

3SG:
"Sorry ah sir, my MAID dont know how to fold my uniform properly"

Patrick:
(Stunned but quick wits retorted)
"Next book in you bring your maid in, i train her how to fold a proper smart 4"

3SG:
(kept mum and tried to walk away)

CSM:
(immediately pulled down 3SG sleeves
"You better go and fold the sleeves now!"

PC, PS, CSM:
(All 3 were left dumbfounded after the mini confrontation)

My common understanding of the 3G army means less manpower by leveraging more on technological advancements and stuff. Wheres the discipline? Or lets talk abt discipline, I dont see the EQ of kids nowadays la. Unsure of what our future generation are learning in school or at home, I hope the incident I encountered was just a fluke.

Case Arjourned

From a broader view

2007-09-27T07:11:00.000-07:00

As I performed my duties tonight, an engaging conversation reminded me of how as individuals, near sighted and only reacting to what happens infront of us. Time and time again, we rant on looking at the bigger picture, bird eye view, look far ahead and dont dwell upon the tainted spot.

PC of 3 platoon, guardian to 26 men, its really been a rollercoaster, jammed packed end to end action to every weekend's arrival. Everyday, arrows rain down, emails like flood plains keep bursting their banks and taskings just keeps piling up. There you go, perfect senario to finger point at someone as the stress level escalates. Of course, the "culprit", as always we love to hate, my boss!

Day in day out, i complain, i whine, i grunt at how screwed up the management is, how inefficient the whole system has became, how things were so wonderful as before, how moronic and insensitive my boss is.

How about I paint u another picture.
1) Your main tasking is to emplace a system to ensure the smooth operation of a company which has been ear marked to campaign into new grounds where future branches would depend greatly upon within the organization.
2) Your immediate subordinates are inadequately trained in terms of technical knowledge.
3) Your subordinate has made a severe mistake, so as not to ruin his future as he still has a long way to go, you take up the rap for him
4) Ever since tainted by soakin up the rap, your reputation has been casted into the gutters for being a incompetant commander.
5) Your immediate subordinates have yet learnt from their lessons and still aint or incapable of pulling up their socks, even when u had offered a hand.

2 hours, I had another perspective and view of that someone I dreaded and cursed upon. An officer who has the foresight, technically gifted, leading by example. As a commander, he is a role model, looking far ahead, all for the better of the battalion, never once lamenting on how he has been wronged. His commitment and forbearance for his mission....

For he deserves everyones' salute
Until they realise
You have my utmost respect SIR

patrick

Happy birthday

2007-09-22T18:51:00.000-07:00

18th September of every year is a unique day which the world welcomed my presence. Cakes, songs, cheers, presents n well wishes will follow whenever anyone's birthday arrives. Ever since my enlistment to the military cohort, I had spent my 20th in pulau tekong, 21st in stagmont camp, took a break of 4 years n had 4 civilian celebrations before I resumed my lastest 26th at Nee Soon range firing upon targets for my ATP.

I had range practice on 17th, actual test on 18th, duty on 19th which meant i could only be "released" from my work on the 20th. What more can you expect from a diligent n dedicated soldier right.... not by choice, hell yeah~!

Just as I was typing out my report, i saw my platoon storming into the OPS room. Yes, 2330hrs, they ought to have lights out and in bed, what the **** are they awake. As all those pairs of eager eyed guys gazed upon me, my mind was swirling what would happen to me. Will i get stripped, or colored with pastels or caked with flour...hahhaa

A few exchange of words, I was presented with my gift. Oh my, the gesture of theirs really touched me but I had to uphold my dignity to hold back tears and shook everyone's hands. Really meant alot to me that those chaps remembered or bothered to find out thats why i decided not to charge them for disobeying general orders adhereing to lights out timing hahaha.

Its these things in my job which really keeps me going. Regardless how must sh*t I face, recognition and appreciation is what i crave n fueled upon. What a narcisist I am....tsk tsk, but thats who I am I guess.

Thanks a million guys

patrix

为了什么而奔跑

2007-08-25T22:15:00.000-07:00

Another year had passed, I found myself facing the AHM 2007 starting pt banner. Ah-Kai and chris was there with me last year, this time round, I had 18 soldiers.

Year 2006 was when I set challenges, tested my endurance, patience and proved my mettle that I am worthy of what I have and who I am. Fresh in my head, to do something for myself, personal pride was at stake for my first AHM 2006. Stride by stride, huffs n puffs, did it, done that, history, period.

As I prepared myself for the 2nd time, the impending WHY struck onto me. Its like you've went through O levels, why u wanna do it again? Anyway, I couldnt find any form of motivation and reason to push myself on except for the beaming eyes of the guys who was there bitching about the level of enthusiasm they exude for running up Shears in the wee hours on a Sunday. Here I congratulate all 18 of you, its the first, but I hope wont be the last they gear themselves up for the long race ahead in life.

Turning into fort rd, the golden rays smiled at me, how often are you welcomed by the sunrise, ECP some more. Slow down and smell the roses they say, I decided it was too wasteful for a picturesque scenery. When was the last time you slowed down for something or someone =)

People escape from reality, march towards a better future, put in their final sprint, bump into each others' life, why do we run? Engineered to label a reason for everything, there must be some anomalies that deviates me from the academic teachings. But I aint complaining, I like the way I am.

Next time, before attempting anything, take a step back, what actually constitute thy to do it. Indulged in the rat race, a challenge, a leap of faith, peiling enlightened me, what matters most is

高兴就好

pat

How have I been

2007-08-11T23:35:00.000-07:00

Its been 2 months ever since i drapped on my green camo uniform where i spent most of my time in the OPS room performing my duty manning.

The starting of another lifestyle where every morning starts with the alarm ringing and me just begging for a few more mins.... why do I have to wake up so early ah. So I drag my sorry ass off the bed, wash up and prep myself for the start of a new day.

When in the office, my mobile transform into a hotline. "Sir, can I take off or not" , "Sir, today water parade what time", "Sir, my pants too tight cannot wear liao how?" these are the statements which reminds me I am a guardian of 21 guys under my command. I aint complaining... actually I am loving it, its what I had yearned for the past 4 years to take charge of a platoon. Of course the job satisfaction comes when I can see the commitment and dedication as they perform their assigned tasks. "Eh, patrick ah... do this", "pat, rem to do that", "eh you free tomorrow? can attend this meeting?", "Lta patrick, you have just been nominated as .....", whereas, these are the stunners which are flung at me day in day out. Its really like a battlefield where one must seek shelter when the bombardment becomes overwhelming or like when u least expected and let your guard down, an arrow will come out of no where and hit you.

Seems like nothing fun has been happening lately with all the learning on my job and performing of my duties. It has taken such a toil on me that I am thinking of dropping the dance classes already. Whenever I reach the dance studio, my mind will be a blank with nothing inside...

How abt dating? OMG.... I dont even wanna talk about it. Its time for me to do a rain check on myself before anything is to happen lo.

On the whole,

Patrick is busy, yet enjoying his work. Drained mentally but still able to recuperate to face the daily challenges. Single, yet don't know if he available HA! Turning gay~

pat

I spoke to him

2007-07-23T04:35:00.000-07:00

Never judge a book by its covers. That is something which was inculcated upon us since young, ever since coming of age, I always remind of myself of thy golden rule harped by mentors. There are countless accounts and stories to which mean-looking ruffians are the ones who stand up against the face of injustice whereas charming, docile individuals dishing out con jobs with their smooth talking.

Today, I am guilty of demeaning an individual and looking him through tinted glasses. He came to as a stranger to me until some devastating event shook the grounds where I worked at. From then on, he was condemned. Yes.... from a uprising young star, he bursted into a super nova awaiting judgement day where he will be forced to forsake his initial bright future. Nobody is born a saint and therefore embozzed with flaws, everyone deserves a second chance.... but sometime lifes just shoves a curve ball and its either you catch it or bat it.

Today, I was tasked to source information from him, so within my mind, I sorta thought I wont get much output from a "condemn". Although the interaction was a short and brief one, he left me with everything I could have asked for to complete my assignment. I am guilty, I am sorry.... even though I dont know him, our paths may never cross again, he left me with a lesson today. Never pass a judgement onto someone unless having the chance to interact with him/her

Bear that in mind~ things just aint the way they are at times. Sometimes I get so intrigued of the small incidents that aggrevates deep reflections. I'm just wierd, I just want to be normal.

thank you Roland

Sir, why you sign on~

2007-07-12T05:21:00.000-07:00

When the fateful day arrived, 18th July 2007, it marked the return of the prancing horse parade commander's eventual reinstatement as a full time regular serviceman of the Singapore Armed Forces.

As I neared the enterance of Stagmont, just cant help having a nostalgic tinge.... Everything started with a 20 year old chap shouldering a bulging duffel bag, green beret, rugged combat boots arrived at the front gates. He swabbed his browns as he starred into the compounds beyond the guard house, unfazed with what holds for him for the next few years.

Cleared the final 5 months of training and finally he was bestowed with the honour to lead his comrades' commissioning. It meant alot to that young boy at that time. Started off as a quiet, shy introvert who will rather watch and follow the crowds to the contigent commander of 34 officers who looked up and abided to his leadership. Thanks for everything 47 / 02 SOCC, it meant alot to me

The prodigy son returns, just as I enter the office to meet my platoon for the first time, everyone had their sights on me. Thoughts must be racing through their minds as they ponder if their new platoon commander is a merciless slave driver who will throw them infront to block the arrows or a dictator who dishes out extras to suppress any form of disobediance misbehave. Anyway, I dont think I am that harsh a character...AS YET hahaha, so dont push me and try to get into my comfort zone. My stand is, when its a time to work, do it once, do it good. Otherwise, rank casted aside, you cover my back, I'll lead you from the front.

The 22 guys of the company had to know this new PC immediately therefore interviews kicked in. 1 by 1, they had a chance to talk to me as we exhanged stories of each other and of course I shared some of my experiences with them. With a sincere and humble note, I introduced myself to the company and gradually they opened up to me. My personal experience is that it aint easy trying to hardwire 22 new faces into my head in addition their backgrounds, preferences and topics that makes them tick. Nonetheless, I marvel my PR abilities, with 2 weeks, everything is in. Maybe I can consider a career change, any recommendations?

Almost every night, a visit to their quarters became part of my evening routine. Get hold of some of the chaps then engauge from crapping nonsense, feedback to academic and emotional counselling. It gives me more time to know all of them la~ anyway, as they know me better, always receive the question of my penning on the SAVERS contract "sir, why ?"

Still remember the feverish aspiring 2LT within me "So that I can serve, protect and honour my country, my home and most importantly, the ones who i love". Oh come on, how cheesy can that be right? Its not as though I am the poster boy for the next army recruitment campaign.... but one may not believe, true to my heart and even till this day, I am still that ignorant, hot-blooded 2LT who wants, yes I emphasize, WANTS to put himself infront for his country. In an untried military of this miniscular island that calls herself a developed country, I will stand proud infront of the cresent and 5 stars, as the crismson blends with the shimmering white, she is what I call home.

Numerous times, I have been brushed off as brainwashed and faced cynical abuses thrown in the face. Those were daunting times which I question myself why do I succumb to such nonsense? Alas, I know what I want and think I know why I am in the military.

The next time if someone questions me about my dedication to Singapore.... I believe in playing a part for my country's sovereignty and to ensure the guys under my command will learn from their 2 years of conscription instead of wasting their youth away.

marching on~
pat

Who am I without you

2007-07-06T23:47:00.000-07:00

This is an overdue entry which was very delayed due to the hectic schedule during my PC tour.

"Show me the followers and I'll know the leader
Show me his friends and I'll know his true side"

I would like to dedicate this post to my wife, Amber (which have been quite overdue, but she met all of them) as a cross reference to my character and personality~~

"Please put down your pen", those words marked the end of 4 years at NTU. Alas, the day is here where I plant my flag of conquest, the final paper. Passing out from the "Ranger" equivalent course of NTU, I glow with pride to have overcome all those toughest days.

My gang of 9, SCE GANG. So many times I had pay homage to the 10 of us. I will do it again!

Klye Poh,

superstar of the group... always with his stylish mane who never had a bad hair day. Always there to remind the rest that he'll be the bottom feeder to boost our grades up but in my eyes, he is a fighter who has never threw in the towel..... ever~

Gecko

a man or reptile of extremes. He likes his food salty and pop mentos like tic tacs. Nonetheless, he is a jolly good fellow. Always wearing his smile and never losing his temper regardless the taunts or teasing placed upon him. Be happy ok, I still love you no matter what happens~

Zaki

my MRT buddy which we shared our thoughts and feelings. My dance kaki where the rest of the world looked at us as sissies or just buayas who wana go chick hunting, nevertheless he's the man who knows what my heart beats for and my passion for things.

Wan

Wan the Man! He is loud, cheery and always on the go. The most matured among us 10 who has plot out his future with his sayang. Always there to motivate the rest and perk us up with his antics.

Xiao Ming
My fellow colleague who is the brain and our messiah! For without him, we will not have got our grades, for without him, we wont have our Lee Wee Nam seats! You are the best, my brother in arms, my siew meng.

CK
1 word, SLACK. Roomie for my last semester... I did the washing, the cleaning, the chores but he too played his part, he pointed out the spots that were dusty and he rasie his feet while i mopped the floor. Nonetheless, I spent my best semester with him as my room-mate. I had the most fun, yet got my best grades. The nights where we spent sprinting on the courts of hall 10, then coming back up and complaining of injuries together, I'll never forget them~

Spengz
Mister Popular. He always lunch with different group of babes and fly our kite. Anyway, he showed me what passion is about. If only I was there earlier, but I guess things happen for a reason and I am glad you shown me your world. thanks

CJ
Commanding officer of SCEGANG. Cynical with his unique brand of humor, never fails to jolt the gang with his senseless antics and outrangous comments. 1 thing to be respected is his determination to succeed and the drive one can see from his eyes. Without this character, there wont be a patrick who graduated successfully i tell you.

SOCC 47 / 02

ET
He is my fashion guru period. What u see today is what he "educated" or drilled into me and I am a satisfied and proud customer =) Caring and giving is what he does best. The most professional photographer at my convo, he gives in everything for his friends what more can I ask from this chap eh?

Chris
Laid back and often mistaken for being lazy, but whenever you need help, he will stand by you. He shown me that taking a step back is just getting ownself ready for a further leap in life, or just keeping trouble out of own way.

Calvin
My jovial and optimistic friend, ever so dependable and steadfast in his ways! He's got a great mum to add on too...charting out all the milestones for him. A DOTA pawner non-the-less

Peiling
The only survivor (including me) for 47/02 SOCC, all the rest left the force and left the 2 of us to fend for ourselves. Actually, she's been looking over my back and guiding me along the way when i took over her platoon. Thanks for always picking up my calls and teaching me the ways (and also all the phone contacts!)

Kaiwei
Buddy ah~~~ I still remember the first sentence he put acrossed me when we first met "How come you so fat ah" That was a great way to forge friendships...make the impression a lasting one haha. Love the days when you revived my interest for MAGIC cards and how you managed to rally up to 5 assistance just to cater your radio IC appointment

Yingkai
He could well be the person who changed me. I am really grateful for the posting to your coy during my internship. I've learnt and experienced so much more as you opened my mind and eyes to the world. If anyone asks me why am I the way I am today, you have a big part to play my Di Di.

My childhood mates
Deming and Jianqin. The 3 of us had been friends ever since early secondary days... The days spent running ard the canal, the soccer court, coffeeshop sessions. Everything seems like yesterday and I am very sure there's more for us in the future

The Coolest Vacation

2007-06-09T19:26:00.000-07:00

17 days I spent with 4 others fellow SCEGangians, my roomie, Vincent Tan Chih Kai, Spengz the goat together with pet Gecko, Steve See and Xiao Ming. Travelling the grounds of Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand, the bunch of 5 bananas left their traces and trails where-ever we went.

Even with everyone at least a quarter of a century old, I vouch that we behaved like 10 years old where ever we went but it was great, to quote myself "Actcellent!". The 4 years buried in books really suppressed the fun in all of us.

Where can you find 5 grown up man huddle together onto 2 beds after a ghost story session? Pushing each others towards over zealous t-shirt aunties? Picking up someone and ram into the poles? Acting as mongolians so that the street peddlars would give up talkin to us with languages we've never heard of? Torture themselves with tuna canned bus rides with impending bag slides onto them?

THATS US!

Actually, I took back quite alot from this trip. It gave me the opportunity to realise and reflect on the way of life I want. From Vietnam, a developing country to Cambodia, still recovering frm her bitter civil war to Thailand, a prideful nation who hails to their majesty. This 3 different country left different imprints onto me.

Vietnam
I fell in love with this country. The city of Ho Chih Minh is so vibrant and bustling. Like our pulse, their streets literally represents the arteries and veins with vehicles racing non-stop. Wave after wave, its really a spectacle to organized, rule-abidding Singaporeans. Crossing the streets was equilavent to taking the leap of faith! Trust the motorists' manoevering abilities and trust thyself to have chalked up enough karma points.

I feel the trump factor the country have is her youthful citizens. According to census statistics, her citizens average at early 20s. Everywhere I see sweet 16s! No wonder all desperate SG guys are rushing for em, maybe I can send in an application too. Youngsters filled up every occupation available, from a desk-bound white collar to a road sweeper. Its unimaginable for many of us to take upon minion tasks for the rest of our lives. 1 thing common I saw in much of the vietnamses, the fate of resignment. Not given opportunities of advance education, they are stuck with blue collar jobs or to slog it out just to get by from hand to mouth. But there's solace in their eyes as I feel majority knows nothing of how much better (as in material) life can get. The fact potrayed to me was that, the less you know, the happier you are. I find it quite true. The more I know, the more I want, the more I want, the more difficult it is to let go, the more difficult to let things go, the LESS peace in.

Nonetheless, scared badly from the wars with Viet Kongs, the memories of Agent Orange, away from the congested city areas, she bears spectacular landscapes and the rustic feel she gives me just takes my breathe away~ , mark my words, I will be there again....wait for my return.

Cambodia

Corruption runs rampant across the land just like the landmines that are still left unearthed. Travelling on the roads and highways serves as a challenge to the pampered conditions which we are used to. Who ever heard of being unable to fall asleep on a long bus journey and all hands on battle stations when ever the bus trots across a bump, a picture says a thousand word.

The Ang Kor Wat proves to be a gastronomic spectacle
A few hundred years for each temple, the area is littered with dozens of such unfathomable man-made marvels! It must had taken generations upon generations for each completion. Cant imagine that the day I am borned, I am destinted to take over my father, grandfather, great grandfather or even furhter up the family branch's legacy to chip on stone blocks then passing onto my desendants this faith till the whole temple can be commissioned by the priests. Wonder if ever I have kids, they'll follow my footsteps?

Cambodia left me with the realization that I am blessed with the free will of choice upon my interest and descretion. We ask each other what we want in our lives, how about asking for the cambodians what they can ask for in the first place. From now, I will take my options with gradtitue and affirmatation.

Thailand

this place saved my life. The hectic travelling iternary took a toil on my bio-clock and in turn I succumbed to a bout of fever that admitted me into a hospital. Thailand is so much more developed and a happier place than the above 2. Never ever conquered and colonised, I show my admiration to the leaders who have brought this country so far.

My take back at the end of the trip in Thailand, friends are there for a reason. To lend a listening ear, slap back senses into us if we strayed, give us a motivative boost when u are feeling drained, a hand to pull you back onto your feet, to look out for your back.

I hate goodbyes therefore there are times I dont like to get too close. When someone steps into my comfort zone, i just dread the day he/she will leave. Life's like a bus journey, ppl board onto the bus and sit down beside, infront, behind or around. Conversations may spark off from a simple smile and blossom into chirpy exchanges and into an endless dialog. Then, when his/her stop arrives before yours, they'll wave goodbye till the next person decides to sit beside and start things all over again. Will you ever get someone to take the bus with you and alight together? Heaven knows~

Alas, my deepest appreciation to the members of TCV! Spengz, you showed a new side of me that had always been hiding away. CK, you brought me the best semester as my roomie. Gecko, your non-chalant attitude yet determined nature turns me on. XiaoMing, your altruistic nature of coaching have my utmost respect. As for the 2 ladies, PC and XY, both of you rock! Talk about being hardcore, the 2 girls bag a bigger backpack than all the guys.... we are all put to shame haha, Kudos manz

Till we meet again,

It was a great ride with all of you....even when its over, the memories will always linger

patrix

Where I called my home

2007-06-01T05:39:00.000-07:00

Secluded at a corner of Jalan Bahar within the campus of NTU, Hall of Residence 10, more fervently known as Hall 10 chills out at the edge of campus activities of the undergrads of NTU. Day in day out, people rush for projects, quizzes, deadlines, exams, rush to wait and all waiting to rush.

Alas, Hall 10 just sits and waits for everyone to stop his / her shuffling feets and lay to rest at the end of every busy day. Its in hall 10 Block 50, level 4, unit 975 which i spent my first and last days of campus life. It seems just yesterday that everything happened and now things have to end just as fast too.

A place I call my own, a room I called my own. Though not fantastically refurbished, but I love the sights that welcome whenever I peek out of my windows =)

Although the place is ulu, but it still has many picturesque sights to feast thy visuals upon....

The last semester of hostilite life held lotsa wonderful memories and formed lasting bonds of friendships. There are spoilts, joys and laughter which will always stay with me and become part of my growing up from a freshman, to a senior and finally a Graduate of NTU.

This is what I see every evening back home after I moved back from the hall. Never had I took notice of such wonderful myriad of colours are set before me just infront of my doorstep. This dscovery just serves to remind that when was the last time we look closely enough and observe the things around us? For all you know, something beautiful and wonderful has been awaiting for your notice all the while.

pat

Quality VS Quantity

2007-04-15T09:10:00.000-07:00

When the question on the attitudes and moral values are imposed against our generation Y and Z. Kids these days are smart, quick witted gift of the gap and they know what they want, more importantly, they know how to get things their way. Of course there are 2 faces to a coin. Spoilt, over-sheltered,pampered brats lacking proper discipline and etiquette. Those are some of the unpleasant remarks which have been branded, sad but true.

I had a conversation with someone(Kaiyang) I met at a workshop it was then I realised actually its all about the environment and up-bringing. It all boils down to the role models and mentor the kids look up to. Reflecting on the way kids are brought up nowadays, it will be easy to see why some of them end up spoilt.

To provide and maintain the cushy lifestyle everyone yearns for, both parents would have to bring in the dough and leave the kids under the care of grandparents, maids or worst child-care centres. Every grandparent will definitely dote and shower attention, discounting any misconducts. As employees, their duties are to fulfill the instructions and demands of their masters which normally the doting parents endow that authority. Why would the domestic maid, a stranger to the family, care about a kid who doesnt know his/her manners. Especially when they are mistreated(so many cases of has surfaced, snoobish singaporeans), they may even induce inverse values to the young ones as a form of revenge. Child care centers are no better too. Whenever I see kids line up walkin to back frm the playgrounds, they just remind me of prison imates serving their sentences. Their routine probation within the child care centres repeats day after day after day.

Finally at the end of the day when the parents return after a long tiring day, quality time with the kids are top of the list. So for the meager time and energy left inside them, there are limited interactivity time. Would it be worthwhile for the 2 parents to realise their kids had misbehave then pick up the rod and lecture the child thus ending the night with a sad, depressed mood. Of course not, "dont do it next time ah...", then its off to play... How common these senarios occur?

Kids are like a blank sheet, provide vibrant pastels, you'll get rainbows, black ink, shades of black and white, peanuts and you'll get monkeys. I am not a preacher of coporal punishment(but it made good work out of me) but in this era, proper guidance and reasoning are of utmost importance.

Its not just spending quality time with the young ones. Quality and Quantity time. I was left pondering upon how many of us could actually afford that? Everything is about balance, there's no best of both world, but its up to one to work that out and create miracles. So many things to see, learn and experience...

pat

My life, a simple life

2007-04-10T09:04:00.000-07:00

As technology and civilization keep up the pace of modernization and advancement, so many things have changed, improved making lives of many so much better and comfortable. Look at the sky scrapers soaring up the heavens, underground dwellings together with tunnels linking up and cities forming over previously rustic, rural areas into bustling metropolis! Its happening everywhere.

With the booming economy roaring from with the 2 awaken giants of India and China, people are moving around as globalization fueling the respective push and pull factors. With all the different cultures and ideas circulating around amist the migrations, my feel is that new idealogies are slowing evolving.

The ferocious pace of life can literally consume an individual. As one steps out to the society to earn his/her keep, there are so much factors to weigh upon, so many decisions to commit to and relentless problems to tackle. As I end my academic phase and prep my initiation as a peon, there are mixed feelings. Excited to the fresh new environment awaiting, dampen by mundane of work life, anticipatory on the challenges that lies ahead, fearful of failure, confident that I will do a good job. I'm like a melting pot of emotions with everything fusing together.

I was introduced to a series of documentary by Xiao Ming on the engineering wonders and marvels of ancient civilizations. The egyptians with their magnificient pyrimids, romans have networks of underground canals and aquaducts and the chinese with the breathe-taking great wall. It wasnt the beauty and architectural brilliance but the amount of man-power, blood, sweat and toil which made things happened. Amazes me that the workers and citizens of ancient times really go all the way out fueling the constructions. The people of the past.... dont they have aspirations? Dreams they yearn for? Of course there are whippings and tortures to "motivate" but I am really awed by the people of the past.

They led such simple lifes. Well I am sure those were tough times, but I really admire the endurance for hardship and perseverance. Wondering if its fair for me to pen down this statement, but I feel the ppl of the olden days are so much more giving. Maybe they have lesser to tend to and thus live an easier life. Alas, lifes about decisions and choices. I'm still undecided which path I want to go.

A few more weeks, it'll be time to return and rander my services to my country. Many a times, I've heard of nasty remarks towards my career, many times I had to swallow my pride and ignore the hurtful insults. My wish, just a simple wish, I'll do my best and make all those selfish statements disappear.

Soldiering on,
pat

Its the time of the year again

2007-04-10T09:02:00.001-07:00

The mugging spirit once again decents onto the campus of NTU where we will relive the hello kitty queues in front of Lee Wee Nam (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OWFI4_Q8Wk). Ferioucious demons will charge into the Gates of LWN so that they can "chop" the best seats and tables before heading towards the canteen for breakfast. Then the wandering spirits will roam the grounds within the library seeking out for their "resting sites" but there just aint enough spaces for everyone. They are greeted with empty seats with notes, text, jackets all slewed over the tables. The watchers and gurdian of the sacred grounds will prowl the grounds and issue ticket summons like parking attendants which indicates a further absence of 30 mins, will permit anyone to seize the spot which the exisiting personal items will be deposited onto a central depositary box.

Just like how pretty smiles swept guys off their feet, see how the librarian swept things off the tables. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRYPL06ONt4

Everyone knows the pink slips wont work at all, its just a formality. whislt the rest are busy mugging and enjoying the controlled ground smiling sheepishly at the late comers who has to suffer such a sorry fate to wander. Most of them eventually stop at "Loser Corners" which individuals are banished to a spot that no one will ever set their eyes on them. For the rest who occupy the vast desks and paranomic view of Singapore's Live Firing Area together with Malaysia's coastline merging into the horizon, they yak, malinger, space out, sleep on the tables causing much disturbances for the rest.

All in a days work on the grounds of Lee Wee Nam.

I'll miss this place

pat

Depressing days, Daunting choices

2007-03-27T10:30:00.000-07:00

For the past few days, I think I am kinda feeling a strain. A tinge of restlessness and fatigue, the urge to settle my heart. Recapping the last of my months, if life's a journey, the amount of "distance" i covered would be rather commendable.

Breaking personal limits, physical and mental realms were put to the test. Run, Swim, Dive, Cycle, Surf, Salom has been some of the stuff I have bragged about in the previous entries. Relingusihing lost or long term relations, dances, socialising could just be another way to distract. Summarising what I had done, there must be a reason I am doing all these and as I am penning these thoughts in this virtual realm that I talk to myself, I came to 2 conclusions.

1, I feel incomplete and want to develop my self to see how much I can achieve. My self worth, my pride pushing me towards unfamilar grounds moving myself off from the comfort zone experiencing new activities.

2, I feel lonely and insecure sub-conciously and the concious mind is being kept occupied with all kind of stuff I "indulge" myself into. The mind is a powerful tool, yet a deceiving one.

If there are different personalities masked within our minds, I am sure there are 2 most powerful driving characters within me. 1st the prideful, egoist chauvinist who yield to none. 2nd the emotional wreck who engages in mental debates boggling with constant ironies. How can personalities of these 2 extremes blend I always wonder. You may not know who I am because I cant locate who I am yet.

A life of carefree and happiness or a life wise and meaningful. These are the 2 paths to choose from. To smile galiantly, sanguine, without a care in the world, one will have to let go completely of the past and expect nothing from the future. Simple it may seem, but letting go just aint a piece of cake or walk in the park, it takes great courage, maybe in time I will do the leap of faith. A wise meaningful life will only mean constant flashbacks against the past. Raking up the mistakes and reflections. Always preparing ownself for the next step, worrying and planning for the future. Plagued with worries and pessimistical contigency senarios.

Bottomline, I am depressed today, because I dont know where I stand... have been living under the shade of hope for too long. Its time to put myself down to rest or slap myself awake.

Alwayz on my mind

pat

人要找到自己的世界

2007-03-20T21:44:00.000-07:00

人要找到自己的世界，那么活的才有意义。
As the end of the semester creeps nearer, an old testament would conclude thus ending the academic phase of mine. 2 pre-primary, 6 primary, 4 secondary, 3 poly and finally 4 university a grand total of 19 years, nearing 2 decades. 19 / 26 years, one big chunk of what I've experience in life has been spent with books, notes, tests and exams. By May, its high time to start a new phase... to enter another realm.

Upon convocating, throng of undergraduates like me would matriculate into the economy to hone what we've learnt during the past 2 decades. That comes to another point, alike different individuals who are learnt and trained in different faculties and areas of expertises, different ppl are suited for different occupations and industries.

A fat pay cheque at the end of the day may seem to be the top piority for most undergrads who are laden with debts from study loans. Whenever we receive news of some scholar / high-flyer land a 3 - 4k salary, our eyes go green with envy and the mind starts filling in with the "if only"s If only it was me, if only I worked harder or the "how come"s, how come I dont have that luck, how come they can get it. Life is full of mystery, but that is sometimes, some guys get all the luck.

I aint lamenting how lousy things are going for me, actually more than satisfied with what I have now with me. Contentment is the best fulfillment. My personal stand is, everyone has a part to play and everyone has a place where he / she belongs to.

不同的人，各有属于自己的世界. Unsure of where I belong as of now, but I'll start with something thats for sure. That something is soldiering. A life of regimentation which I am very accustomed to, an environment that I was born and bred within under the iron rule of my mum. No, my parents aint from the military, I dont even have any relatives within the military to start with. Maybe its has been within me all along?

Its queer when you try to reason things on why they happen? But things just happen and there may not be any good particular reason that can explain. If everything happens for a reason and individuals are able to apply logic into every action, the world would be at peace.

Meanwhile, whilst treading into uncharted territory,

Let passion be my light

Hope to keep me going on

And YOU to bring me the smiles

pat

Thanks for the memories

2007-03-01T18:19:00.000-08:00

Returned from my Dive trip, Pulua Dayang. The sandy beaches, crystal clear sea and soothing breeze literally took me from the stressful city to a paradise. Bottom line, I survived! Thanks for the "final" farewells, really have to count my lucky stars for the friends I made.

This place doesnt give east coast park a chance at all

A glimspe of the dive resort which lies on the sandy beaches

The ability to breathe underwater is a very unique sensation and the sights are breathe-taking. It was a fun trip definitely. Just look at how clear the waters are! We could see the fishes darting playfully about the corals.

Now I am a qualified diver and driver too, what should i head towards next? Life's a bustling journey laden with dreams, memories and achievements how come I am feeling empty? Its back to the drawing board for the final semester with my FYP. When will my next diving expedition be? am already yearning for another deep sea expedition already =)

Till we meet again my sandy beach, my clear blue waters, miss you~

always on my mind~

What I dont see, I dont know

What I dont hear, I dont think

pat

Fueling One's Ego

2007-02-19T05:29:00.000-08:00

Everyone has his/her own view points on certain issues and matters. But when disagreements arises, if handled unappropriately, parties may get into arguments which normally doesnt end up quite right. Pride is at stake when there are 2 or more different views moving against each other, thus creating friction and eventually its up to the involved parties to resolve the matter accordingly. If the parties can come to consensus, a win-win situation, a win-lose occurs when 1 of the party backs out from his/her stand point. The lose-lose senario is when parties engage themselves in a yelling match which is totally undesirable.

Happenings which occured this few weeks let me realise how much pride and ego can affect conversational outcomes and interactivity. It takes 2 to clap, 1 to slap. If ever an individual doesnt wanna "play ball" or disagree in certain points, he or she could dish out a sharp cut to point out the displeasure or use more indirect ways to let the other party realise that he/she aint willing to follow the plans.

A person's ego is at stake when ever he or she finds out that they made a wrong judgement or mistake. Most of the time, individuals just to satisfy their own ego, will not spare to gun down their opponent if they are in the wrong. But how much can one achieve when u've injured the pride another person? Even if they are in the wrong, because of the wounded ego, they'll feel mistreated, bitter and unhappy about the outcome. The bitter pill can be really hard to swallow therefore, its always better to sweeten one's word in case we have to swallow our own words.

The carrot always yearn better results than the stick. A motivated person will be willing to go the extra mile to accomplish the task, unlike being pushed or threaten, count yourself lucky if ur plans werent sabotaged.

During a conversation with 1 of my relatives (those 1 year see 1 time), I felt rathered offended when queried upon getting myself a gf. My reply was those typical non-chalant, still have to study, but she rebounded with a "u not good enough" to get a girl answer. For a while, I nearly wanted to murder her. There are 2 particular characters I totally have no respect for in my family and one of them threaded on my toes. Oh well.... ppl get cheap thrills on spiking on others ego. Although it may seemed a harmless remark, it hit me quite badly. Never ever look down on me.... I'll prove you and myself wrong.

Patrix's ego can be really oversized at times, but today he proved he could keep his nerves la. Thats the way to go I guess... suppresses on un-necessary arguments and misunderstandings and chalk up good karma points.

bottom line: Even if you dont like a certain someone, try to look things from their point of view, if u still cant accept it, take the step back until necessary, chew them into pieces HAHA

pat

结果并不是最重要，而是要有争取过！

2007-02-17T04:00:00.000-08:00

It aint over yet till the fat lady sings, but what happens eventually when the curtains are drawn and the verdict is passed? Given the revealation of the outcome would never be the positive one that you are looking for, how logical is it to continue venture upon it?

In this result oriented environment, the figures will eventually be in the red or black, Yes or No, Pass or Fail, Good or Bad. Thats how we are trained and taught since our younger days and also its how the rat race works too.

Alas, not everything can be judged and scaled accordingly. Different individuals emboss different emphasis on different areas.

I am a rational person. Never had I put myself into situations which the eventual outcome is a dead end. Yet recently I reminded myself of another trait of mine. Decisions are made instantanously and its various factors that clouds the judgements and impede on the smooth decision making process. The book I read, "The power of thinking, without thinking". It totally proved this point of mine which I realised ever since my younger days.

I know I am faced with a unfruitful end, yet the decision is made to press onwards. Aint it an irony? The rational part of me critisizes and condemn, but the emotional side motivates me towards doom. Really leaves me with laughs at times.

Call it hanging on "Hope", call it relentless determination, but I judge my actions as immature and totally irrational. That is the real me =) The bottom line:

结果并不是最重要，而是要有争取过!
不在乎天长地久，我宁愿根本没有。
No regrets.

Waiting for the bad news,

pat

I can see it now

2007-01-15T20:20:00.000-08:00

Still have some vague memories of decemeber 2006 when I was preparing myself for the internship. There and then I made the decision to step out of my shell and introduce myself to the world.

Reading back my posts of 2005, although egoistic as I am perceived by many, I saw and experienced alot this year round. Widen my social circle, challenged myself to things I would never had thought even attempting, just widening my horizon to see the world further, clearer and wiser.

Previously, patrix just thinks that the more he sees of how the world functions, the more bleak the future seems and the overcasted skies just gets darker. On the contary, what he saw this time round was a spectrum and myriad of pastels and radiance. Its all about letting things loose n not being so uptight on myself.

I will be honest and crude to myself. What i learnt 2006 is that although platonic friendships aint really possible from my previous personal point of view, somethings changed me. But the bottomline is I am able to learn so much more about the opposite sex and understand them better so that I will not get myself in messy and silly situations out there =)

In another 5 months, it'll really me the make and break point which I will be graded deemed to wear my rank and command the respect. Meantime, its time to do and experience as much of life as possible so as to equip ownself with opportunies and also get to understand myself so much more better.

I am a happy kid as of now

pat

Open thy Heart, open my mind

2006-12-18T08:58:00.000-08:00

The monsoon season really dampens ones spirit these few days. The ritual starts with bright sunshine in the morning, cloudy early afternoon, overcasted mid-day and heavens with a damaged pipe that keeps pouring. My holidays are actually being spent in Lee Wee Nam library chalking up effort points for my FYP. I certainly hope the project jolly well adhere to the requirements because the conflicting and "bo-chap" attitute I am receiving really aint helping.

Magic of Love. A story which depicts that love will conquer it all. A father and daugther relationship which drifted apart when the latter gets distracted and blinded by fame and fortune. What I took back at the end of the show, Lifes about forgiving. Though not a child of christ, I firmly believe in forgiving. At the end of the show, the audience were preached upon how God always opening the hands and ready to receive those who repent. How many of us can actually do that?

Thats why we are branded as mortals i presume. Opening up and letting go is something ppl of today really need to learn. These days, everyone is for themselves and clinging on to what ever wants and dreams they can get. At the end of the day, was the struggle really worth it? Its an answer only the individual can answer.

Alas, its up to me to stroll along the journey of life where each day is a lesson each milestone is a module. Till my convocation, open thy hearts, open my mind, to receive everything as readily to let them go. But that doesnt give me an excuse to slacken on my FYP, root me on!

pat

A nice cruise with you

2006-12-02T21:33:00.000-08:00

Its all over... typical of an ending of another semester. Started off with a month of preparation then supplemented with the regimental revision program. Everyday was a routine 0730 reveille, 0800 "march" to the MRT, 0900 equipment layout and ready for commencement. Army flow in my veins...thats something I cannot refrain from, no wonder many ppl say Regulars are a wierd bunch of character. Maybe something happened to me like "happy feet" thats why genetically altered.

Of course, tough times dont last, tough ones last. Everyone got through that period and now I am once again feeling lost right after exams. Unable to adjust the bio clock, am still waking up at 8 where my body is acustommed to the 6 hours slumber cap. Overall, it feels great to be able to let everything go for rest and relax.

Everyday whislt walking out and returning home to and from school, my DiamondBack bike has been calling out for me to take him out for a ride. PatriX has always been a avid rider, therefore decide to bring the 2 of us for a road trip. Sounds kinda insane and typical me, the both of us from the West to the East. 1.45 hours per trip, manz... i really out did myself this time. First time I felt spasms in my thighs, nonetheless, the sun, the breeze and cruising the roads was rather therapeutic to my suprise. For this entry, I am gonna name my Bike. Her name from here on shall be "Swift".

Strange it may seem... i always complain about want companionship. Somebody to talk to, dine with or just simple intertaction. But en route the journey home with swift, I was literally smiling to myself dousing myself in the past memories of what have I done this year. So much was covered, so much happenings, so much reflections, oh manz.... life has been good to me i guess.

Had my share of joys and spoilts. Somethings always on my mind, the perfect companion who will always be there to share my smiles and woes for better or worse. Someone who I can pamper and shower my attention onto. Someone who will stand by me... even when I fall lends me a helping hand or simply sits beside me till i get back on my feet again. Someone who is willing to go to the ends with me gazing upon the stars. Till the day comes, that someone will always be on the BACK of my mind =). Till I see you then

The more i forage for that someone, the more trouble I get myself. Furthermore... i caused trouble for the opposite party too. I hope I can timeout for now and stop the surge of testosterone

p/s: there's this sudden urge of mine.... I wanna go see the Northern Lights. I just don't know why and how too but lets just keep this on this journal of mine.

pat

Choices

2006-11-18T05:22:00.000-08:00

It could be the simplest stepping out on the left or right to life changing events of what career to venture. A simple yes or no may determine a person's future. Choices are part and parcel of life and right from the start where we made the decision to take in the first breathe, choices have to be made.

"I didnt have a choice" When was the last time you felt that you didnt wanted things to start/end that way? Many a times, I felt I was a victim of circumstances and had to follow the crowd to blend into the environment. There's a saying, one should always adapt to the environment and not make the environment suited to you. Individuals who go for the latter are most of the time, spoilt brats who are filthy rich or just simplily "actively disengaged"(bo chap). The rat race... the strive for academic excellence, to get the dream girl, land the dream job pave a future of bright lights and wonders.

Yap, I admit... I was and am still one of the "rodents" in the vicious cycle. My personal experience of not being able to follow my heart and do what i desire leaves a bitter taste every single time. Ppl should learnt frm experiences and improve through mistakes, what was my take back with every "choice" made for me.

< No Regrets >

The worst thing in life is not unable to earn big bucks or make a name for one self, but never having the chance or attempt to try. The shadows of the past will come haunting as one lament "If only I tried..." Of course, there are consequences for making the wrong choices... From my stand, as long as I am able to face up to the "damages" incurred, I will face the music, because I need to face myself in the future. I can hold my head high to say that I have failed but tried! A fool's answer some may actually say, why would you attempt something impossible due to a moment of folly? Thats what makes PatriX unique =)

A series of decisions, tumbbling from wrong turns of life, guided onto the right routes I think I made it so far I hope can be proud of myself. The future aint bleak, because I know I have learnt how to make my choices.

I chose to smile, because you were around
Even when the chips are down, hope still seem abound
I chose to say instead of pray, even if there wont be a day
Even with the skies grey, I'll still be gay
I chose to love than never had, even if that was something I will never have

When was the last time you decided for yourself?

pat

If we hold on together

2006-11-10T08:48:00.000-08:00

Now we all know why the last year of the University era is called the Final year. Blink of an eye, the first paper of my final year semester 1 awaits me! Recounting the time, its been a 3 plus year journey of part 2 of my tertiary education in NTU. Aint a stroll in the park, more like a bumpy one way roller coaster with sudden dips and dives every now and then.

Of course, friends! The ppl i met, my SCEGANG! My birthday wish wasnt the typical "i want a gf" or "i hope that crush accepts me" but "Let's ride out the final year together in 10, leave no man behind"

If wishes do come true, this should be the one... but gentlemen, we dont wait for things to happen. We Make Things Happen.

We started this journey, from each his best and yet as one now let us complete the final phase together.

Feeling under fire

2006-10-25T19:59:00.000-07:00

Ever felt down and out? When everything just aint going your way, suppressed and depressed. I think I am just totally stressed out, thats what I am feeling now.

The FYP aint gaining on any results, sometimes I wonder if its me finding excuses or I aint trying hard enough. I really want to make things work, but just cant find the inspiration. The deadline and self-imposed expectation is really taking a drain over me, I can feel it.

Everyone must be feeling the same way, this is the last final hurdle of 4 years... I've came too far to stumble. Root me on

Outta juice,
pat

Relativity of the mind

2006-10-16T00:44:00.001-07:00

Some things are better left unsaid, some stuff are better left unravelled, I opened the pandora box , things would never be the same? Alike the biblical story, pandora opened the box and released lots of nasty stuff. Regardless the number of times the pandora box had been tampered with, as long as the essence contained within had not been let go. I think thats why ppl always say "Never lose hope"

Currently at the 3rd quarter of my year 2006, its been quite an eventful journey. Riding the rollercoaster of life right now as to compare with my initial university life. Attempted stuff which I never would think I will, accomplished tasks which I will be able to mark milestones and be proud of, just have to say that its a rather enriching period.

Time does flies when a person is occupied. Like how during the exam preperations, I will lose track of the dates and time only fully concentrating on studies and revisions. Or how about when having fun? As a kid time really sprints when indulging ourselves to playtime... I still remember being able to jam 4hour periods to Counter Striking. Getting old....

As of now, so many stuff are in my head.... so many things i wanna do, words I wanna say. =)

Things happen for a reason and sometimes shit just happen, but regardless the outcome.... no regrets i guess.

p/s: I finally will be able to achieve my IPPT gold! 9:48 for my 2.4KM can you believe it? Its all in the mind.

Things happen for a reason

2006-10-10T06:09:00.000-07:00

是不是什么事情的发生都有一个原应呢？25岁的为何还是那么天真... 那么多的风风雨雨也是照旧回头望望，微笑后依然往前迈向未来的路。遇到了小错则...可能是我的要害吧，真的真得很失落，失望 beyond words.

情场太过天真的我也该是时候领悟正正的爱情表白方式了。我的关怀方式是你无法察觉，只要你快乐。

生日快乐

2006-09-21T17:55:00.000-07:00

18th September, monday is the day which I took my first breathe, had my first glimpse of the world in Alexandera hospital 25 years ago. Flash of time, blink of an eye, 1/4 century passed and have i grown up. Taller, heavier and also much crappier as to compare to a new born... its amazing what life can teach and mould a person into.

It will be easy for me to say that, this 25th birthday was the best i had. My celebrations started from 16th Sep all the way till 21 Sep. Had my routine saturday dinner with my DCIS freaks which really symbolises how far we had came since year 1 in Singapore Poly. They are the ones who cheered me on when I was tired, helped me up when I was down and spurred me onwards to advance. A simple dinner, a simple smile, life cant get better than this simple yet rewarding 8 years we've been through, thanks guys.

17th September, I was out with my Bossard kakis at Holland's Settlers cafe. I received birthday presents! Its been very long i received so many! Uncannily, I think I let others get the impression I am those bookwurm pattern... I got 2 books! Maybe they are hinting I should do some reading up. Actually, the highlight was a suprise appearance by my friends, Zak and Nicole. They turned up with a chocolate cake to compliment Xinyu's Awefully Chocolate's without my knowing and the normally well prepared patrick was caught dumb-founded, loss for words but totally elated by the suprise. Words are beyond...

18th September, D-Day. A previous promise btw 2 guys who share the same day for celebration at Swensons realised. Weisheng and Me celebrated our 25th with a simple dinner and free ice-cream. I got another book from Viktor and the Tomy, HardGay in a barrel toy, YaAhoo~! What are the chances u find another person who have the same birthday and yet such great buddies together even our background so diverse, future rahter different, but through a small crossroad in life blossomed such a great friendship.

21st September, SCEGANG celebrated the september babies. steve, small wan and me had a chocolate cake. Chocolate overdose.... but I am loving it. A small gathering with the guys at the canteen, we split the cake but shared the joy.

A memborable 25th year for me. Its then I realised... friends are all around me and there's no need to feel lonely at all. If birthday wishes do come true, mine will be to complete the final year spur unscathed, the SCEGANG will leave no man behind. I am greedy! I want another birthday wish! and it is for YOUR wishes to come true.

Beyond all words,
PatriX

Death Nerve #1

2006-09-10T08:22:00.000-07:00

Everyone has his/her strengths and weaknesses. Initially I thought mine was girl. Nope...proven fact... its not girl.

It's girlS!

090906 Saturday evening 2000hrs, I felt super lousy after receiving an SMS.

Declared idiotic and lovelorn... stupid patrick

My resolute

2006-08-25T00:11:00.000-07:00

1 month plus of slacking and relaxation just whistled passed so quickly... just like how I realised I am already at my final year of university. Thinking back the time when I first saw the reply from NTU I was enlisted into the "Ranger" course of NTU, Computer Engineering, within months, I would pass out from the course and gradate!

First time got so many resolutions completed...actually to be more exact, its the first time I made new year resolutions. To complete my dream of knowing how to dance, for your info, now patrick is a salsa dancer already. No longer condemned to the fact that he is clumsy, fat and stuck with 2 left feet.... he can strut to the beats and flow with the music until pretty girls dancing with him distracts his level of concentration. Therefore its kinda a blessing to be tall... most of the time i look over their head hahah... kidding, the females in my class are attractive! Its my blessing to be distracted by them.

Second is the gruelling 21.1 km army half marathon. Yes yes.... patrick is a regular, its only a matter of time he has to run the 21 annually. This time.... I did it for myself! My own name, own pride served me on and helped me finished the race(thanks chris and kai, you guys are the best). It started with a restless night which I turned in at 11pm. Tossed and turned till the next morning 430am, NO SLEEP! Too excited or nervous didnt slept a wink and went for the run which started at 530am.

It was the first time I ever tried such a long distance. The furtherest I've ran is only 10+ km and I challenged myself to 21! Anyway, the run up the bridge was great! After the detour at east coast park i was still alright the crunch time was when i reached Nicoll highway, Suntec City, could feel my thighs feeling heavy already. Imagine my "thunder" thighs feeling tired. Along the stretch within tanjong pargar, I could see more runners falling out, stretching... was telling myself I have to do it even if i had to crawl!

The highlight was at my final 4km of the run... I began to develop cramps. There were spasms and jolts of cramping symptoms in my calves. I was so worried! SO near yet so far if u know what i mean.... I have planned for so much, I cant falter now. As i advanced at a snail's pace, I saw many faces of agony cringling in pain on the floor, sitting by the side looking at the rest advance towards the finishing line. I was really at my limit... both calves cannot run, otherwise cramps will hit my face to the floor.

When I saw the finishing line... I couldnt describe my joy.... I was really in estacy. Never for so many years had I been so glad and relieved to reach a place, a destination! Race done, story over, I am proud of that personal achievement.

Make a wish,get a dream, someday, somewhere... it may just come true. Of course, I will also work towards achieving it too... because in life, nothing comes for free. Live ON!

PatriX

Oh simple things, where have you gone

2006-07-31T21:23:00.000-07:00

Its been ages since I updated this online journal. With the end of my internship, I enrolled myself into a general elective "Developing Career".

Career - a sequence of employment related positions, jobs, activities or experience by an individual.

Not bad, learnt some stuff and most importantly did major self-reflection and get my bearings of my life on track. It just aint that easy growing up anymore but relish every challenge that dishes upfront to my face. Proving my self worth, doing ownself proud....

Btw, I got a B+ for my internship! What a stint with Bossard.... the ups n downs, emotional roller coaster. I learnt that relationship cannot alike projects or assignments, you put in effort n passion into it.... without chemistry, it still wont work. Sometimes.... I just have to learn the hard way~

PatriX enrolled for dancing salsa classes! Gonna challenge himself for AHM 21 click too! Cycled frm the West to the East! He did alot of nonsensical stuff during the last semester of Year 3 Sem2, because its the last chance to be a kid. The simple things in life.... just a smile frm someone or a sudden recap of memory will bring smiles upon the face haiizz....zz

Its time to do all those things that once captivated you, brought joy and laughter into your life. When was the last time a simple thing lit you up? Think about it

PatriX

When you near the end, you will see the light

2006-06-14T01:59:00.001-07:00

Yes, I realised why was i feeling so blue after talkin to ET. "Talking" is equivalent to jamming on keys, how sad have evolution and growing up affected me. I see the light as the end of IA came along

Its the stupid presentation of course. Initially thought unaffected, never put in effort since it was un graded in the first place, so why bother? I tot I could get into the bo chap attitude and just let things go like that. A trashy presentation. Very stupid, not the less worth mentioning. I feel I have lost something. Pride, reputation, everyone's gonna brand me a loser and leech throughout the last 6 months.

Just feel that I ended the whole internship with a blow to my ego. It ended low morale, bo chap, giving ppl impression that an SAF regular is the potential leech.
Is that the truth? Have I been that always? The transformation frm an eager learner from janurary to such a bum I am now really frightens me. Things change with time, attitude and character follows through too. For the better or worst, I dunnoe.

Talkin to myself, I think the main factor is actually not a girl.... but girls. I have interest in coldplay, but not as jialat as that joleen case where I threw myself in and kanna langa by lorry. Its just that i am so disappointed by my discipline? Or the ablility of self control.
See 1, want 1, come on! whats wrong? I aint no gay... but does 1 really need a lady in order to feel complete? How come I just cannot get thru this.

Really hope its just a passing phrase, better be just one of those black gloomy days i shouldnt have woke up to in the first place.

PatriX

Patrick is so shallow

2006-06-13T09:47:00.000-07:00

Another milestone, 22 weeks, my second industrial attachment to a coporate company. Say long, not long, short also not short. Been through many many things, ups and downs, happy wonderful ones to utter disappointments.

Throughout the internship, I've came to realise more about myself. Patrick still likes to program. With the right attitude, good morale and a relative working environment, he can throw himself into the role as a programming drone. Of course, his dream is still to lead a team of programmers... that was when he was 17. Learnt alot on IT technical stuff but most impt, about himself.

I discovered, I like to bask in the limelight. Some sort of a show-off or attention seeker, but of course in the name of fun. I am brutally honest and rather insensitive which I think I inherited from my dad. I am an extremist who strongly believes in what he sees, hears, feels and think about. I dont like to follow blindly with the crowd where I will always try to sit myself down and analsye the situation before making a conculsion to beat or join em. Therefore, many a times, I feel rather wierd, isolated, strange and alone.

Communicating with ppl could be considered as one of my hobby which I always flood my audience with long winded, confusing and boring experiences I get myself into. I am lucky to have many friends who show forbearance and good faith to entertain me, otherwise I would feel so lonely.

I feel disappointed with myself... utterly. One can lie to the whole world except ownself, yes I am still pinning hope for a companion. Is it really that inhumanly possible to live by myself? Has my philosophy of not wanting to ruin ppl really wrong? Have I been making wrong decisions all the way?

I feel sad that I want to fall in love. I feel sad I dont know how to love. I feel sad I forgot what's to be loved.

A trip with my wheels

2006-05-29T08:17:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was a fantastic one! Its been donkey years since I had such a hectic yet fulfilling saturday and sunday, totally drained me of energy but wore me down with a smile.

Saturday morning started off on my wheels and chain to Parnoid Worm's place at Somerset. A radical brudder of mine by fate shares the same 18 09 1981 day with me! Righton!!! How often can one get such a person to step into ur life right? Some more can click with him pretty well.... just wonder how come he cant gel with the mates in OCS.

The kids who share a day

Anyway, reached his place, parked my bike, took a shower, then i scoot off to kallang to meet my NTU kakis for hand sign lessons to ready myself for Camp Out Reach(hopefully my sup let me go off early to attend the camp). Reachin the mountbatten rd campus of the hearing impaired(paiseh forgot exact name) we got a classroom and we learnt our ABCs. Damn cool ok, I can spell my name with my hands.

After that go back town meet wurm and had dinner. Went back to koonz ard 12 but ended up watching wrestling till 3am! Siao Bo! next morning 630 wake up biking leh.... but chatting with each other abt the history of wrestling too cool liao.

Slept on itchy carpet for 2 hours and got startled awaked by a crazy rocker ring tone as alarm! damn... Worm is really out of the world one, cannot find another person as "unique" as him.

Anyway, the early morning jive down the streets of the CBD was a wonderful experience. To be able to feel the breeze whislt having the cityscape screened with a greyish dusk colour. Very very refreshing... not like the usual noisy and packed streets.

Early morning wake up, confirm got place to go la! Think crazy nothing to do meh! Paya Lebar Runway cycling led the 2 of us to the air base lor. Paddle n paddle, upon entered the camp, wah lau I tot I go wrong place into bicycle expo instead.

Look at the throng of bikes!

16 click was a breeze on 2 wheels. Feast my eyes upon the hot bods and bikes that zipped and zoomed passed during the spin on the runway. Quite a fun experience, pity those medics and RP have to burn weekend... well my chance will come one la.

Take a jive down the fly-way~

Reached back Liang Court for breakfast before the sky poured cats and dogs. Stranded inside, me and worm browsed magazines in kinokuniya till both buay tahan and concuss at one of the benches of the supermarket. I swear the watchman was wondering how come got 2 chap sitting there dozing off during his shift.

Eventually, buay tahan liao... sprinted back in the pouring rain got back to his place drenched like a duck. Showered then go lunched at BK at Cineleisure. After lunch, went to taka square shop for my gundam but too bad sold out.

Changed to shorts n T-shirt before mounting on my bike for the trip back to clementi. Type also type until sian... so many details. After the 2 days, shack out... still wanted to tutor someone but really buay tahan concussed.

Fulfilling or boring? At least I did something I am happy and glad

PatriX

[R]eadings on me

2006-05-18T01:04:00.000-07:00

Ian bestowed a letter onto me and use the letter 'R' to make as much descriptions or what comes into me mind. Always fancinated by this silly "dares" or suggestions, Bring it ON!

Responsible
PatriX's middle name which he pins responsibility as a moral code of life. A virtue much sought after but maintaining is another story.

Retrospective
always trying to put issues and happenings from another angle. Wondering what, how and why things turn out that way, "if only" things were done in another way what will happen?

Reflect
every now and then sit down and talks to himself about how is the situation he is in now. Look back at the incidents and happenings that made an impact and jot it down as a mental case study to learn from oneself

Regrets
He is lying if he said lifes haven’t been littered by regrets. PatriX aint no saint but doesn’t want to live in vain too. What he'll do now is to live up to the motto "No Regrets"

Reckless
Close friends will know the crazy stunts and antics this young man does. From chasing mice in the middle of the playground to death defying stunts on his bike, you name it, so far he has done it. It’s a kind of adrenaline rush that spurs on this rash nature so that he "die" trying to rescue himself from the mess he gets into

Reminisces
sentimental or call it plain loser, he always looks back into what he had left behind. The memories, tears, cheers, pain and gains... Keeping things in the head, never fails to scare his friends with the uncanny memory of happenings, issues and discussions we once had

Ridiculous
as predictable as Singapore's weather. Packed with insane ideas and irrational thoughts no one can fathom what he'll do next including himself.

Reason
there is a reason for everything including why fishes don’t drink from cups and guys never lift the toilet seat. He lives for a reason, and the reason is you.

Rooster
Born under this sign, it’s not unusual to be branded cocky and prideful go take alot what a rooster is blessed and blasted with.
Come read about me

Respect
the core of patrix. The rank is bestowed but the respect is earned. Lifeblood that will keep him going to earn the respect and trust of others and everyone he interacts, the ultimate goal.

Finding my way

2006-05-05T01:58:00.000-07:00

Finding Yourself

Ever been in the situation in dire frenzy to locate the blob of "blue tack" that had always laid around ur desk being in the way. Just when you need it, it goes MIA and operation hide-n-seek formally executed so that I can "pin" up my annual exam time table. I am sure these under-used items have a mind n legs of their own taking revenge on the fact I dont place them on my "piority" list.

Frustrated and exhasted from all the foraging, when I least expected, the stupid blue blob called for exercise cut pasting its content onto my butt as I sat on my chair. Alrite, I am exaggerating but come on, these kinda things happen dont they?

I dont like feeling lost.

Lost:
1.To be unsuccessful in retaining possession of;
2.To be unable to keep control or allegiance of:
3.To let (oneself) become unable to find the way;
4.To remove (oneself), as from everyday reality into a fantasy world.

So many years have indulged myself into the daily struggles and pursuit of social, academic and spiritual acceptance I think I've lost myself. When I was a primary school kid, there's this memory flash of my primary 3 chinese teacher, Hong Lao Shi counting the number of years left to study: 3 to Secondary, 4 to JC or Poly, then 2-3 more to University entry and another 3 more to complete the story. That easily chalked up to 13 plus years. Imaging telling a 9 years old kid he had 13 more years to go... which makes up like his current total lifespan with addition of a few years. Take his breathe away I say, what a child dreads most is school and homework... I think everyone will know what I mean.

Thinking back, a blink of an eye its 14 plus years ago when she left me shell shocked... in a year time I'll be donning my greens whislt having attained what all my chinese teacher had spoken of. During the past decade, the main aim was to clock sufficient "milage" and complete the educational phase. Just when one is reaching the light at the end of the tunnel, he is thrown into a blinding blanket of light forced to squint or grop around in order to advance cautiously.

Yap, thats what I am getting to... soon studies will be all over and the mundane process of growing up is? Start a family? Strike a career? Everythings a blur thats for sure, guess this is a growing up stage for everyone? Or just that I am wierd kinda chap who does not know the importance of raking in fat pay cheques to fuel a material life?

The internship period really gave me alot of time to reflect and discuss issues. Another milestone which marks as a page in my growing up and self discovery to my strength, weakness, love and hates.

I am a simple guy who have funny dreams... When I am lost, I tend to find out more things about myself and the surrounds... isnt that an irony?

The more I try to seek a path, the more exasperated things will go for me. There will be a day when I retrieve back this excerpt and jeer at the state of confusion I am in now, but meanwhile, getting to the rainbow, I'll have to bear with the rain. I'll find my way!

Monday chased my blues away

2006-04-24T18:47:00.000-07:00

Monday Blues they always say, but with great company only joy n laughter pave my way.
A great start to my week I can say, a simple dinner and cafe made my day.

I vote today as the best Monday since 01 01 2006. Why is that so? Did I manage to escape death by dodging a crashing 747 Jumbo jet? Or how abt landing a date with the dream girl of mine? Hell no... it was just a simple get along with my pals from the SCEGANG.

Simple things in life really can brighten up ones day. Just a dinner with a couple of pals, a get along session exchanging news of how everyone has been. Gossiping abt the lastest craze and happenings, strangely... today's discussion didnt even included girls. WOw! Everyone's turning gay! Yes, happy n gay!

Jayden had his last laugh when I in turn was the one who "showered" after the Thai Express dinner. He didnt bat an eyelid, much less to say fill himself up with H2O n soaked the paper serviettes. A group of guys huddled in a circle with their own unique drinks to describe.

Our gourmet Ian always ensure he stands out from the crowd with his Kopi O
Kyle with Mint Mocha similar to his bright smile
Zak's feminine touch chose the rich chocolaty frap
CJ with his dynamic personality n talent got Azuki (multi-talented n able to go for anything)
Gecko n Me shared "Mandrian Duck" Yuan Yang to display the camaraderie
For Jayden, I am still sore abt me becoming the laughing stock, so I forgot what he had

Everyone comfortable, the range of topics flowed on till our bladders couldnt take it and everyone chionged for the loo. It was great having everyone, a simple yet fun-filled monday evening to kick off the up-coming short 4 day weekend by Labour day(wonder if pregnant mothers get a day off that day) and Vesak. Not mentioning the pocket money top up by our Xiao Lee.

Together we will finish SCE together! Leave no man behind!

Someone up there loves me

2006-04-18T19:53:00.000-07:00

April 19

A red damp stain on my left knuckle commemorated another event which PatriX managed to cheat death... Alright, it wasnt that serious as in I got hit by a lorry or tackled by a vicious pitbull or some girl just came along and tore my heart. The usual morning ride to work started off with a wipeout as I lost control and skidded on the pavement just at my void deck.

The "Acclerating Turn on Wet floor" routine earned me "Come and Kiss the floor" outcome which literally kick started my day. For those who are concern about my well being, I am alright... no serious damages, just scratches and a battered ego where I am sure the mum carrying the kid got the full spectacle of my performance. Does she even know the rest I steered was because I didnt wanna startle the mother and child's route they were having.

Anyone have those kinda near death... not death, too serious.. accidents. Moments just before accidents, be it you slipped and fell head over heels, tilted your angle of vision to your blind spot and instantanously saw something massive flying your way, just something unavoidable which happened all of a sudden which is bound to hit or happen leaving you with only microseconds to prepare for impact? The sudden seizsure of time kicks in like going through how Keanu Reeves always get his slow motion framing in MatriX. The mind goes blank, time froze to a near stand still... From what I can recall, there was only 1 thing on my mind.

- can I survive this after the crash and still get back to the office?

There and then, my body instintively prepared for impact... I could feel it, words cannot really describe but the limbs just know what to do ready to cushion my fall. Gravity in tandem with inertia sucked me down, fast and hard onto the cold, hard concrete floor where my depth perception of my distance from the ground gradually reduced to 0. My left hand and leg shot out with my knuckle, elbow and knee trying to sheild the torso from full impact. What was uncanny was my right hand and leg pushed and kick the bike aside onto the grass patch. Dont ask me how I managed to chorograph my actions, it just happened. Do you call it instinct? I am not sure too... but a few times I got into these kind of mess and got myself out of it without even know, I'm sure those hands and legs got a mind of their own :)

Like movie flash backs... people say time freezes and a sudden recollection jolts into the conciousness all of a sudden. For my case, I dont have images of a girl who tells says those "I love you, please rest in peace" phases just a simple minded chap who was more concern about going to work! Oh come on... I dont even like the company only my follow interns keep me company. Anyway, its the passion n instinct to stay alive which keeps me going because I know that I was brought to this world to do something special. Something unique I can be proud of before I will actually take my final breathe... I just know it, I will survive.

Loved Happens

2006-04-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

For the members of my MSN list, I spammed them with a request to draft me some stupid shit advertising how "eligible" PatriX is to be when I dabbling with this website . It started off with my friend keep nudging me to join the site because he knows the "plight" I was in and he sympatized (serious!! he told me to join one oK!). Alrite I admit... I was curious too, maybe can get lucky? Who knows hahaha!

Anyway, the initial thought of sending requests to get "praises" really put me off... but knowing the PatriX that dun really mind throwing face one, so he trigger happy just clicked on the and there! Instant spam! But what is more suprising was the amount of feedback I received within a day.

I received like 5 - 6 posts potraying the glorified side of me. I am touched... Ppl do love me. From the website, I think I've got back what my initial purpose was. To find love, feel love... I am truely grateful for all the comments and lies put up and Thankful for the friendship my friends!!

Learn how to cook friday

2006-04-13T22:05:00.000-07:00

Today, good friday is PatriX's learn how to cook friday. A break from the office's requirement to "rot" in my assigned cubicle. Everyday is a new day of learning, and today, I decided to brush up on my culinary skills.

Shocking as it may sound, yes I can cook... compared to average males I excel way beyond instant noodles. Not bragging I had managed 3 dish, 1 soup for meals before... but that was so ancient ago. Anyway, I decided on spagetti where I proceed NTUC for all the necessary foodstuff early in the morning.

Arriving back, I dished out all the utensils n unpacked everything. I am sure I made quite a din (come on.. I am still a guy remember? Cannot navigate well in the kitchen) my mum climbed up from her morning nap to "save" me frm my confusion.

If anyone of you out there things she took everything over... you are HALF right. I made sure I was ard asking her all the questions and taking mental notes hahahaha. Ya, just cannot beat an experienced "chef" of 20 - 30 years where else I am nothing but a greenhorn when placed beside her. I am now ready trained and equipped with the knowledge to whip myself a meal of pasta! Not to be out done, I am gonna do it myself tomorrow before I post my master piece up ok!

That brought to another point... when I was learning from my mum, she seem to know everything and anything. Able to give all the answers to my dumbest questions and giving tips and explaination for every little actions! I am very impressed. Reflecting back, it was like me trying to coach her to to use the internet and email. After today, it is proven.... u cant win in everything or arena. Be it u are a highly paid neuro-surgeon but when called upon to mend a pair of shoes you just cant stitch as well as a lowly paid clobber.

Every one has their own worth and its because this society needs the variety of skills which makes everyone and anyone unique and impt. With the differences in everyone, thats when the colours of life comes in where together we will cast a rainbow that highlights the skies with the shower of blessings that falls upon us.

I will get my own bowl of pasta up! Its a promise to myself!

Confused

2006-04-06T10:28:00.000-07:00

Into the wee hours, I dragged myself up from the comforts of my sheets to the keyboard and screen. Its the dino, that never ever spare my pleas for peaceful sleep. There has always been the point which one will have to adjust him/herself to adapt the environment, never try to change someone else or the environment to suit yourself. Maybe the last few years, I've been too religiously following that rule until now even my sleeping hours have to be adapted to my brother. Oh come ON! Its annoying when I've got to keep giving way, I am losing my privacy and own personal space.

Growing up is a phase of self discovery where much personal space is desired, and right now someone is invading it right under my roof. Cant be blamed, not his fault... more like mine because I am a light sleeper and he snores like thunder!

The last few weeks have been rather unique, why do I say that? Its because I've dabble myself into other activities. Reading up all sorts of nonsense ranging from fiction to investments, getting out long lost friends mapping back the connections that have been lost since ages ago. Picking up new contents during my internship not mentioning surfing of alot of IT material which I've never done in my life previously. Have been thinkin of getting a diving license, but shall see how things lead on.

A journey to self discovery I guess. After 25 plus years of very result orientated living, its seems to me, I am very accustomed to see results upon working on an area. Be it academic assignments / exams, physical training even relationships (not BGR alone, but also friendship). Feels like living in an environment where 1% inspiration, 99% prespiration.

Recently... or more like these 2 years been feeling rather lost. The whinings, bitchings and complains always follow along but after all the venting life still had to continue. Many a times, I feel the whole world is pressing against my chest to live up the template of a "successful" adult. Equipped with the necessary Cs to live out a comfortable life. I've tried asking around opinions to what is living but the answers never quenches instead leaves me with a emptier heart. Maybe its the way I post the questions, maybe its how the world should work, maybe I am wierd.

I never ever liked to waste... therefore time is of the essence, how can anyone waste it. Wasting life away is not an option, we or more like I live only once, after this miserable/pleasurable exisitance what's there to come? I am not sure if what I am thinkin is right, but I know many will just find me erratic and crazy. I know I may lose some friends in this process even? But who is more impt? Me or the rest of the world?

Should I be selfish? Or is this world selfish enough already?

PatriX

Road so far

2006-03-28T07:54:00.000-08:00

My internship is already halfway through, 11 out of 22 weeks flashed passed. I must say I am accustomed to the low stress condition of the workplace. Cannot imagine in another 10 plus weeks I'll be back into the hectic 5 module semester in addition to a Final Year Project. I've came through so far, saw so much underwent a plenty I reckon, year 4 will be a challenge I will relish! Its the lack of goals and ambitions which led me to thinkin even passing a semester can be acounted as a challenge. Actually come to think of it, life in SCE aint a smooth ride which I am sure fellow Computer Engineers take pride for each year they stride across unscattered.

What have I been up to these few weeks? Out of action? Laying low and dormant? No way, this is PatriX you are talking about, of course he has antics up his sleeves and stuff to entertain himself lar. The driving lessons are going smoothly and I am left with the final 6 road revisions before the actual test. PatriX had never been gd at planning, he forgot his FINAL THEROY expired!!! Now I have to retake the test and pass it before I can attempt my driving test.

I litter my evenings with visits to the library (believe or not, I read!), driving lessons and I run (yes, my BMI still cannot pass &^&*@^#%$). Weekdays, its end to end action which always keeps me on my toes. I am learning and applying what had been inculcated within me since poly days, which I am rather entralled and prideful of my own achievement. Sometimes it makes me wonder, how come so many of my peers dis-regard pride and sense of achievement instead to monetary incentives. Can one really be happy with a gold mine in the bank account accompanied by an empty heart? Whenever I get shot down for loving my job regardless military or current internship, it really kills off any kind of mood. Why cant ppl be more accomodating to others? Or rather I am too fussy and picky, others have sense of humour which my short temper cannot tolerate, but when you've got numerous friends who at the same time have that "acute" sense of humour on me, is it my fault, not for me to judge. Just have to take it with a pinch of salt, with very very huge fingers.

Weekends, time to play, relax and let down the uptight serious moods. I am beginning to dread it instead. Saturdays by norm are outings with my mates. It cant be blamed, everyone has got his own life now, therefore we won't stay together forever am I right? On the otherhand, I am rather demoralized by the fact everyone comes out just to get dinner and then ran out of things to do. Not sure if any bother to come up with suggestions but I am sick of being the organizer and I particularly hate it when I am branded "You occifer what!" I hate it, totally! why!!! DO I carry airs around just because of my officership? Why must others look at me through tinted glass... is it really a sin to earn a higher military pay but get trampled by the others!

Shed the shadows and get back into the rainbow! What is the favourite colour of PatriX? Green? (HAH!) Red? White? its LOVE lar so easy. He never fails to look out for prospective prey, or more like predators. C'est la Vi girl suddenly made her appearance after 6 months of MIA. MSN is the closest I can ever get to the girl with wings. She's a great listener! Maybe due to the fact that I am always too long winded. Anyway, talking to her always brighten my day... she even drew me a picture!!!

I am sure my fans remember the crush from my internship, let's give her a name, Casey. Casey reappeared back into my life when I was like cut her from my memories. This time, she was the one who called me alrite! I didnt do anything!!! Before anyone thinks PatriX finally got his act right and level up his charisma, WRONG! She called me to inform that she is a qualified FINANCIAL ADVISOR. I dont have to go on further. Anyway, I am soft-hearted, gentle and dont know how to say NO to girls got down to a presentation with her. Oh my, having a 1 v 1 interaction really lights my smiles but its time to forget and I am sure of that. I am there as a friend, to assist, to guide, to entertain.... this chap will never get lucky.

Finally, we always save the best for the last. DCIS fans of patrix realm will be in for a shock who I met up with on Monday evening. Let me digress alittle into the world of movies first. Ever saw characters that had been bullied or teased badly during the younger years. Suppressed, bitter and out for revenge they wait for adulthood before they unleash their wrath. I was fearful of a senario like that, so I dated a quiet girl during my poly days. Miss Annabelle! We talked about the dumb stuff that happened during those days in SP and it was really really funny. Admirable on the part that she went off to england alone from her family and stayed for a year in Middlesex university for her pursuit of a degree. A person faced with a period of independance really changes and experience alot. The initial contact was rather suprising! Imagine never talking to a person before when classmates for 3 years, meet up for 3 hours and everything pours out hahahah. In case everyone thinks I fall back into the despero mode again, no lor! The punchline came when I asked about her sister. She told me that her sis was with a scholarship with Home Affairs.

Initially, I thought it was some government high admin post but it turned out she's a uniformed prision counseller. Some sort of police warden position, maybe on a higher seniority, but none the less uniformed in blue. Anyone remembered the stupid dream I had getting hitched to a police officer? The moment Annabelle told me of her sister's scholarship, I was like OMG! That piece of news really just triggered the dream I had during some of the darkest day of SCE. Will I even attempt to probe further? Stay tuned hahahahaa!

When I was 19

2006-03-15T07:49:00.000-08:00

During a chat with Shaun, suddenly "Shaolin Soccer" came into the picture and my... did that movie mark a checkpoint in my life. Have to rewind time back to 5 - 6 years ago when I was 19+ awaiting for NS enlistment. I vividly remember it was like 1 plus week before going Tekong, my relationship was on the rocks and already gearing up for the worst to happen.

Let's get back to the movie, why I said it entrenched in my mind is it was the last picture I had with Catherine. The last time I looked straight into her eyes, the first time tears welled up in mine. It was more like a "showdown" which supposely to be held after the movie, but as we know Patrick always had a rash nature can really keep his nerves was anxious to know the verdict(damn, I was like literally begging to be taken back). Of course, everyone knew what happen next... The uprising and aspiring girl had to remove any excess baggage which may hinder her advancement into the soceity.

I was dropped, so did my heart... torn and disappointed I turned around and shuffle slowly away. Oh yeah! still have the 2 "Shaolin Soccer" tickets in my hand, so like a gentleman or more like a miser dowan to waste the ticks, I asked her if she still want to watch the movie. Guess she was like heck it lar... its time to rejoice with a free status and she obliged the so called "death wish" of this chap. Suprisingly, I was roaring with laughter throughout the movie... of course I stole a peek at her at times and I saw the puzzled n maybe scared look on her face. Come to think of it, cannot blame her, aint this the guy who just lost his puppy love, how can he be laughing so heartily, has he lost it? No, I did not... I rem coming till the end of the movie, I was flooded with mixed feelings and emotions. The movie was a comedy, I knew it was my last movie, I knew it will be the last time I'll be this close to her, I knew walking out means no more goodbyes.

Exiting the theatre, we parted and went seperate ways. En route back up to the MRT platform of CCK, I checked the hp SIM card we applied together and stumbled across some of her undeleted SMS. There and then I was faced with messages of concern, flirtatious content by another close guy friend of hers. Well, like a hot blooded reckless kid... I was furious, maybe more like mental break already. I exited from the MRT station and advnace towards her place instead.

Reaching her void deck, I finally cracked. Never had I realised I've got such powerful vocals as I sent my voice thundering across the neighbourhood. Like a manic, I shouted up to her place(lucky she stayed 2nd floor only) and I was "greeted" with a persplex face with a crumpled face of anxiety, confusion and sadness? Yes, yes... she aint that heartless, I hope, but who knows? I just vented, released and exploded there and then. The only verse I rem was "So what do you want from me!" I was so pissed off... tried to salvage the relationship which most probably I was too boring and the realtionship's expiry date was up hahaha.

I could feel the surge of adrenaline in my body I could tear anything apart. Like a cockster, I swang my fist and met the metal pillar. Boy, did the platform's roof shook... and the aftermath, I was awarded with bruised knuckles for 2 weeks. So after taking a hit, hand cannot take it liao... but cannot lost face cause lost enough liao, i dashed off and sprinted towards home. Hoping the lactic acid will kick in and endomorphines ease my pains. Everyone knows I was a fat kid then... and meeting up the citeria of an obese chap, I managed only less than 400 metres!!! before my legs wobbled and lost my breathe, mind and knuckles.

To wrap things up, like actors in the movies I bought myself a pint of alcoholic beverage. Gulped the contents down, upon reaching home ended up with hangover. I was like "bedridden" with a splitting migrain and unstable legs due to the effects of alcohol and the "sprinting" dragged myself to the toilet bowl juke to puke.

Ahh... how it was like to live the yesteryears. Getting the incident back into my mind, this chap is so hilarious! Many will have heart wrenching endings but mine was more like comic relief. Under-estimating of own strength, stamina still wana act hero. But from ther, I realised I could shout and the tingling sensation over adrenaline overload which got me thru NS. No wonder I signed on.

Let this be a story for me to remember and remind... Love is like a game, but most of the time I am the prey. Whatever....

PatriX

Walking into new grounds

2006-03-09T08:47:00.000-08:00

The past 2 weeks were rather enjoyable, so whats so strange about that? It because I finally have assignments and tasks. To add on the "bliss", I am suppose to roam into LINUX which is a totally foreign ground to a long term enslaved WINDOWS user.

Just when I was complaining about routines, there and then something comes knocking on my door. Everyday was an exciting journel and real time problem solving. It all just boiled down how resourceful I have to get myself to think on the ground and pick up information from all available channels be it internet, books, articles or even interviewing my fellow colleagues.

Strange as it seems which I have always been skeptical of becoming a programmer, but I am actually enjoying the process of discovering new realms and challenges. Of course there'll be times of dampen morale and the thought of throwing in the towel, but there's just something within me that also urges me on. Interest? Commitment more like the sense of responsibility of not letting myself down. Guess the years of dabbling in the IT world really has affected one's interests and passion.

This internship may be the step of self discovery once more... the second awakening? Or step to recovery of sanity? How about penning down a list of stuff to kick start? I really hope I will have the courage and faith to keep myself challenged!

- Get my driving license, so that I can drive YOU around
- Go for a short getaway upon the end of my internship
- Get myself prep for the crunch 4th FYP
- Prepare myself for AHM (yes... this regular finally wana challenge himself)
- This may sound uncannily farnie, but I've been like trying to imagine me doing the waltz, we shall see
- Set sights onto the world and see more of it!
- Ignore all those who pin nasty remarks about my career path but ALWAYS add on "I not saying you hor"

Everything's gonna be alrite

Living your comfort zone

2006-03-01T09:23:00.000-08:00

Day by day, time just flashes pass and blink of a eye 7 weeks has passed! My internship feels more like a holiday rather another semester for NTU. But not alls a bed of roses, I work... maybe not totally for the company at least I am answerable to the time I spend during this internship.

Jeffery, my IA supervisor, is a very interesting chap. Unlike other fellow interns who were given tasks and projects, never a moment I could sit down and concentrate on a stipulated proj for more than 3 days. New assignements, research, ideas keeps me on my toes all the while. Google is my best friend who never fails to educate, enlighten and guide the doubts and questions during my learning phases.

Its a totally different kinda of Internship that one expects of an Comp Engn. I dabble into ERP, MRP, Supply Chain, ROI all sorts of busniess and marketing strategies instead of sitting still going thru the life cycle of Software Development Life Cycle (SDLC) reviewing on the requirement elicitations and CODE. Min. coding, maxing surfing!

Today, I was called in for a discussion with Jeffery. Started off as another mentor sharing session on Rapid Response providing real time information desemination btw the Customer and Supplier. Reaching the end, he shared an insight of his life with me. A dream he has, a target in his mind and I could feel his passion to achieve his dream.

LEAVING one's comfort zone. This routine lifestyle is slowly encasing me to a schedule. Wake up, Report, Lunch, Knock off, dinner, TV, Bed and the cycle just relives itself. Is that what growing up is all about? Looking forward to weekends and holidays where upon arrival I feel lost and dont know what to do?

I sat myself at a open field and gazed upon the heavens wailing to the stars for answers... Came so far and gave it all, in the end what matters ? I sound childish but just cant lie to myself, many of my friends just give me the blunt reply

"study hard, get good grades, earn big money, drive big car, live big house, marry dream girl, start family"

Born and bred a singaporean, meritocracy is a way of life and I dont deny its effieciecy and equality of the system but am I too blinded with all the material wealth I can fill my future household with but end up with an empty heart?

A dream, target, goal... to rekindle the passion. Leaving my comfort zone and expose more to the world. I want to backpack, bungee jump(hope the rope dun snap) or do all the things I would have never thought of doing before. Doing the waltz on the dance floor will be nice. One things for sure, I gotta get my license ASAP and thats a promise

PatriX

A typical weekend

2006-02-19T08:16:00.000-08:00

Everything started off on Friday. When the clock hit 1730, frantic clicks on the 'X' to deliever me from the mundane and boring work routine. The end of last work day means a new weekend to begin with. Had a game of pool with my colleagues before having a karaoke session of mike spamming, wild drinking and MOG4 smoking at the Chevrons.

Upon reaching home, something got over me and I logged into an interaction with my PS2 with RTK9. It entertained me till 0230 which upon hitting my head on the pillow, I totally knocked myself into dreamland.

Woke up 0900 to prep myself for work. Call it fate, just when I was abt to board the bus, an SMS to delay the reporting time came in. Also, just before entertin the office after the delay, another notification came in to cancel it off. In the end, went to my friend's place for WWE and Winning Eleven.

I was supposed to meet up my poly mates ard 6pm but I was stranded at NAFA building while my journey to central library after returning Eng Teck's books. So i ended up reading my Dune - House Atredies for 2 hours at TCC. The evening ended with dinner at Fins that turned out to be a disaster with my whole mouth smurged with squid ink and the boring Man U VS Pool match summed up everything. But what was most impt was the company and am thankful for it.

Woke up to a lazy Sunday morning which as usual I slowed down all the pace of normal routines. Washed up, flicked on the tele, talk cock with my mum and also tried to read some more. Anyway, sunday mornings are just there to kill time before the afternoon's soccer session.

With the bright sunshine glazing onto the courts, 3 hours of hard tackling, crazy antics indulging in the childhood interest or one might just say cause I've got nothing else to play. Earned myself 2 blisters and an afternoon worth of excersise subsequently joined my family for dinner at the coffeeshop.

Is this the way I live life? Sounds kinda boring... especially I am now undergoing my internship. Work / Sleep / Eat / Slack / Rot is like the a timetable that revolves. Can anyone gauge whether if I feel happy too? Because I think I feel that I am not accomplishing anything. I am currently at the transition stage where I do not have goals or targets bah. What I understand is boredom really dulls the brain and one does not need to be attached in order to feel occupied.

Just a typical weekend of a typical boy next door. (if you can consider 25 years old still a boy)

PatriX

I will work hard....

2006-02-03T09:59:00.000-08:00

I didn't talk or smile or interacted much today because something happened. Has been a long long long time ever since I felt so down and out. Think the last time was when I finished my last paper Year 2 Semester 2.

Had everything planned out... I cancelled my driving lesson so could like have a decent farewell or even an invitation to a dinner will be great. Actually wasnt hoping for too much anyway, not as though trying to get hitched but maybe a date. (have been harpin on a date for donkey years, damn I sound despo) Maybe the few hours of tele-conversation like brought up the tetestorone levels and I falled into the pits of the forsaken once again.

The knockout punch was delievered just before lunchtime. Naive and stupid, thought my pride can withstand the fact that I was never "considered". HiaYah... things just go funny when one is crazy lar. Lets not digress... Mister A told me actually MIss C asked him out when Mister B(Me) was just playing second fiddle.

So whose to blame? A for being sauve and charming? C for not choosing me? Ah yes... we get to B WISHFUL THINKING la! Its a serious case of swallow pride and bang balls senario for me.

For ppl who know me, I just kept very quiet... cut off all emotional displays and concentrate on my assignment for the rest of the afternoon. Its the first time in the whole of 3 weeks, not a glismpse, uneccessary fidgiting or even changing field of vision. To indulge into my project was the only form of escape I could find to ease the unbearable pain? Really cant call it pain... maybe a sore or bump. Some call it fate, bad luck or worst still the FACE. Think I'll try to stick with the first 2 before my self confidence is totally drained. We shall see abt that when it happens.

Strike 2! Today's definitly not a sunny day... but after a run in the courts and a reunion dinner with lou hei indeed cast off the clouds. Another day awaits, cut off the loose ends n let the kites of gloom drift off from me. Everythings just a dream.

PatriX

Dogged by the Year of the Puppy

2006-01-28T05:59:00.000-08:00

Within hours, the moon will complete another lunar year of successful orbit. Happy Chinese New year to everyone. Of course, new start, new wishes, new hopes right? For my case... I dare not comment. Just when I started to lose myself in work and labour of my temporary new found job, I stepped on landmine.

A figure of optimisium and strong resolute she carried, embossing an aura of grace and innocence(sometimes, I puke at my descriptions). Anyway, I think again was the hormonal kicking in lar.

Homosapiens are wierd spieces... especially equipped with emotions. For my case, its like to forget 1, have to get another objective. I am ashamed of this shortfall... but in order to mature, one will have to advance upon his fears and weakness.

With so much grumblings... what happened long sotry cut short: 2 guys A n B got to know 1 girl C, A got the looks and charms, B dunnoe what he lacks the fullstop is B fancy C but C got hooks for A. Solve the equation. Just love how engineers map their problems out.

The story can of course develop, but B's ego again hit a wall (previously ran over by lorry). Losing one's confidence even before entering the pitch. Always swimming agains the tides and playings games with all thy chips down. Can the skill of the glib be acquirred?

Nonetheless, I am enjoying what I've been picking up in the company! So much to see, so much to learn... mind boggling and mesmerizing algorithms of life.

Shake it off,
Bark it out,
Time to Learn...

PatriX

Time to take eyes off YOU

2006-01-16T08:35:00.000-08:00

Finally a start to the new academic year 3 / semester 2 at Bossard. Today was my first day of internship at the company and I am glad to say I find myself anticipative to get my engines warmed up and raring to spur on. Had an insight on how the nut and bolt busniess fuel the swiss medium sized company. A good amt of exposure on the nitty grittys, idealogies and strategies that can be taken and enforced to get their accounts to remain on the black.

Getting back to the title... there was a person whom I always peeled my eyes whenever I cross the premises of clementi center. Any avid readers will surely remember the times where I TRY to use bombastic, explict and horrendous vocab which i normally lift frm dictionary.com. I had a post of that particular girl that swept me off my feet, A crush? A dream? whatever...

Signs. Have you ever got into a situation, incident or happenings that felt rather uncanny? Uncanny in a sense as though it seems to be implying on other issues or thoughts that had been revolving around. E.g. You plan to swim the next morning but u see the red skies during the evening, overheard the news from ur room there's thunderstorms over the regions then with a turn of ur view sees ur brolly or raincoat in front of you. I had my fair shares of signs too! Looking back, brings in a few chuckle... yes, my best topic that have been hounding Girls.

Whatelse can trigger such a corny title? As I was saying, I got my fair shares of signs... good or bad, you tell me. Long story cut short... this time, its not those sudden surge of tetestrone that trigger the "I want a girlfriend" syndrom, more like "I have too much time during holidays, how about a date" situations. OK! I admit of course got take fancy otherwise in the first place who will "jio" their nightmare out, correct? But anyway, just dates lar. In soccer jargon, I hit the a hat trick of 'tiang' (woodwork)! For non soccer fans or people who dont understand me(which contributes to the majority) I got flew kite 3 times for dates.

Blame it on the bad time and space for all the allocated timings of appointments... or so on the face? Hahaha, its a sign! Anyway, yesterday... I saw the "cant take my eyes off YOU" girl at settlers' cafe. She was with her male counterpart which she could take her mind off for so many years. I guess he has the X-factor, the super star look, the charisma of a snake charmer... call it losers' denial but HOW COME I LOSE?! Wasnt even given a chance to start with... feels like losing from match forfiet due to bad weather? FATED!

The "showdown" confirmed my doubts of my dream still holding on to HER dream guy, so its time I woke up from MY dream. To set my sights off other pastures and I am not stating other prospective female targets(rem the hat trick of cancelled dates).

What the sign holds, I dont know...
What lies in store, dont really know at all
Lost to a face of dash, my pride took a crash
Though my confidence took a dive, its time to get back my life

Rainbows are beaus of aftermaths, meanwhile just have to deal with the rain

PatriX

Another kind of Orchard

2006-01-10T07:48:00.000-08:00

Not those flower cultivating or decorative bonsai but the familar Orchard Road youngsters stride along in town. With the hottest fashion wear (army camoe wear? And I hear so much complains abt the army) wearing those bling bling of theirs' ranging in groups of 2 to 30(IRC channel #teens outing?) they contribute to the human traffic and congest the streets with their chattering, antics and most recently their foam sprays.

Today, mummy's boy went to the Aunties' Orchard. I can tell you the amount of cash exchanging hands at Tiong Bahru Market will not lose out to the fashion boutiques unless you bring in those insane pricings of BRANDED fashion. Assorted fashion were on displays, from blouse, pants, skirts to scotch brit spounges... you name it, you got it.

Even with the rain pouring since Sunday for a 2 sun-less day... spirits were high, bargaining rampant and the preperations for the festive celebrations building up. When was the last time anyone took time off and really went shopping with your parents? Many may just jeer upon me as a loser without a date, still tied to apron strings thats their opinion and you chaps can burn in hell for all I care too.

There's been quite alot in my head these days and I find it rather difficult to express myself too... or more like who cares? This blog serves more like a personal diary for my remeberance sake where interested party can get a few update of me like whether I'm still alive or bitter abt life.

Reflections, have been doing alot of references within myself and held myself to resolutions for improvements. 1/4 of a century I have resided... what has been acheived ? What's been lost? What is to be achieved? What will be lost?

You'll never know

PatriX

LEAVEing a joyful note

2006-01-09T09:21:00.000-08:00

A long anticipated 2 week holiday has finally arrived after a 3 year wait(I aint joking, it had been 3 years since I had a decent holiday). You know, when someone had been used to living the hectic schedules, with his life packed end to end... ups and down following one another a break is equilavent to an emergency brake for me.

Anyway, my break started as a filial son doubling up as a Personal Assistant for my parents to Penang. Challenging task it was for one to be the photographer, babysitter, caretaker and logistic dept all at 1 single time for everyone for the 3 day 2 night. What made it easy was like we had 24 hours / 2 trips on the bus, which also turned out to be the wort travelling I have done in my life. Every pit stop was a well earned break. Could see all the aunties rushin for the loo and lining up. These are the times when having the male anatomy is a great asset, E-spring squeeze trigger and done!

Fresh air, great food, row after rows of oil palms shouldering behind were the mountainous ranges with fluffy cotton candied clouds hiding the peaks... Most impt, I found a sense of belonging of kinship. What I lack frm the Chee side, I get it frm the Lee side and I am proud of it!!! Although with aunties and uncles, I like mingling with them! Those no hold bars conversation, everyone so at ease... thats what a family ought to be!

2 weeks of undisturbed rest. Carefree and easy, for the first time, anyone who rings me or messages me will get my undivided attention and almost immediate Y.E.S for outings! (including breakfast frm MUM) No plannings, no hassle... so surreal so unreal, really didnt felt like myself.

Settler's cafe became like second home.... twice in 4 days? Really enjoyed every moment in there! The screams and laughters... indulging in childish bickering and senseless bitching, for a while a 25 year old was behaving like 5 instead. Totally loved it! My Xiao Di/ Ying Kai, Buddy/ Kaiwei, Tiger beer uncle/ Calvin, Queen/ Eng Teck and Bed 8/ Chris you guys made my WEEK.

Basking in euphoria... words simpily cannot describe what I saw and felt. Let me pen down my final statement by having a new year resolution (which most of the time never come true for majority)

Patience is one of the key virutes to success... I dont crave for success but for recognition, I dont yearn for statues yet for glances. 1 word, Patience

PatriX

Touched by 3 angels

2005-12-21T08:28:00.000-08:00

You know, sometimes... it aint an easy job handling with kids. For my case, it took up the stamina of my army career's training to keep up with 3 little devilish little nephews of mine.

Brought them to the island of sentosa where they were shown the magical aquatic creatures of the underwater world. With each new creature they encountered, their shrieks of excitment and tugging of my fingers and pants followed along. Their little eyes swatting around the tank, left and right, up and down... all over and around. Entralled by the amazing fact they are lookng at live and BIG fishes. Shi Hui (oldest) was so captivated by the hologram great white, she didnt wanted to leave the site... their innocent faces and questionable tones just reminded me of those innocent times of mine where I couldn't even differenciate frm left to right.

Next stop was to the pink dolphins but whilst waiting for the showtime, the kids decided to have a go at the waves of the lagoon. Had my fair share of smiles when I drop them into the waves which invited ear drum bursting decibels. I am not the villian over there ok... while they had been equipped with extra clothings, I was sabotaged by them clawing all over me with their wet and soggy hands. In the end.... I had to endure the show with wet pants while they washed up, clean and comfortable for the show.

The field trip ended when we reached the hawker center for dinner and I left off earlier to meet my pals DM and JQ where my mum brought those kid for a little shopping(I left 50 bucks for my mum to get them something... I am an overage teen, how would I know what kids fancy except bashing me up and screaming into my ears).

Received a call this afternoon after lunch. The usual laughters and screams filled the ear piece... i heard the 3 of them fighting over the phone... it was hilarious. A simple "Thank You".... 2 words.... 2 geniune simple worlds from the innocent kids of those 3 angels, melted my heart. The tedious task of bringing them out was rewarded instantly... I smiled. Thank you the 3 mischevious angels of mine.

PatriX

The days without you will be...

2005-12-18T05:11:00.000-08:00

Another milestone just marked my life my friends... the passing away of my final eldest tier of my family tree. My granny, left us 15 Dec 2005, 1402pm. I have to confess, though the eldest grandson of the "Chee" family... I was rather distanced frm her due to the fact my parents moved off to clementi while my aunts stayed around Bukit Batok. Nevertheless, I have always been concern about my family matters...stories, incidents, disputes have updated me on what have been happening.

Let's just rem the memories of smiles, joy and remeberance of the past. Chinese New Year was always great where I could see her smile brightly with all her decendant flocking around her. Much has happened and things get ugly eventually...I guess each family have their own story to tell. As of now lets bury the hatchet and look whats infront of us.

Brought up with a rather chinese mentality, I hope to bind my generation together. Never once I want any miscommunication btw my cousins, uncles and aunts. I hope with my sincerity or what so ever bestowed gifts on me, I can be the Rebro for the family. I would really fancy the family togetherness of everyone that shares my bloodline.

Had a lot of mixed feelings during the whole procession, I dont really agree with what had been going on. As of now, I have no say, cant play. I know previous generations dont really IT savvy but lets just wish, hope, pray and work towards the dream and wish of mine. To keep my family tree together.

For death she died, she dies no more
In the hearts she stays forever more

PatriX

Play the game

2005-12-14T06:45:00.000-08:00

In a game, there are bound to be winners and losers. Whats the point of winning all the while if you had never tasted defeat. Without the wound licking, reflection, passion to pursuit and cherish. You must have ever gone thru the bitter behind the throat, the irk within your guts, holding tears welled with those redden eyes.

Life's a game, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
There are times even when u win, you lose (lies cheat and deciet, losing of morales)
When you lose, actually emerge the winner (losing weight? Hahah)
There are also times where no winners around (war)

Different individuals are embossed with unique talents and virtues that enable them to excel in different fields of the games we play in life. Be it having a wide network of friends, having a shrewd mind for busniess, extreme IQ for academic achievements, eloquent and the "ladies" guy. Take some time my friend, look into yourself. What's your category? Know thy self and enemy will enable victorious results always right Sun Tze?

We have our own unique characteristics which can't be "pirated" no matter what, that is what makes us special. In the game of love, from my point of view is to able to love your partner's flaws. To be the one for him/her balancing off the flaw with own strenght if possible. One could never achieve changing the environment for oneself, but instead, we humans are born to adapt. The old corny saying "Accept your lover for what he/she is, change thyself to suit rather the changing others".

1 to slap and 2 to clap, it takes 2 baby... changing for one another simultanously; I guess thats the chemical reaction of what ppl always say "chemistry" is about? Corny, I guess but its my point of view.

Recently fell in love with a song, 3 Doors Down - Here Without you. The lyrics touched me. YES! Unbelievable but this icon of destruction acutally has a heartbeat at times.

Win, lose or draw... can there be a score system actualized for every game we play? You'll never know.

p/s: I am in a game but hit a wall today, lets see if it crumbled and what lies behind it

PatriX

Contentment is the greatest Possesion

2005-12-11T07:00:00.000-08:00

Serving what I vowed, lamenting on what I loathe. Resumed my conscription into service drapping on the responsibilities of a Prancing Horse of the Signals family. I have mixed feelings indeed. Joyous over the fact I met new friends, learnt new things (and yes VERY new things), marking another milestone of my academic endevours, for this festive season, something's tingling within me... but lets not let the cat out of the bag as yet. The time will come if it hatches, otherwise, let me flavour upon the memories in times to come.

5 weeks are all I have, long? short? I just want to serve my value. Never had I like reaping without sowing. There maybe black sheeps within my organizations, or maybe few white ones... but I still have 2.5 things to answer for myself
1. Pride
2. Concience
3. Passion (currently lacking due to low motivation)
Strange many may query, what is pride? How far can it get you? Thats what makes me special I guess. It was inbuilt in my genes? I take pride in knowing the friends I have all around me! I take pride in things I had achieved so far! I take pride in falling in and out growing stronger/colder with each love chapter I've had! I take pride knowing YOU. Let's not digress...

My da jie jie said "its hard to be contented". Why? We see alot of stuff others have and crave for the same treatment and materials. Our senses... all 5 of them, enable us to interact, to feel, to be exposed to the environment. The mundane routine of growing up exposed everyone with their sensories basking within all sorts of indulges. There and then thoughts of owning...having the *stuff* they like. Slacken down the pace... slow down and smell the roses. Look down on your feet... for I know the importance of being able to walk! I had incurred the wrath of a crippled for 2 weeks before and it's terrible. Therefore, with every match I complete on my court, I thank for no injuries and the great time I had with my pals... the exchange of smiles and spoils... the friendship.

As usual, there's alot on my mind always... so much I wanna record in this cyber realm. To live a life, to leave a legacy... As of now, I think I may have another shot on a subject of life I never really succeed that well so far. Typical engineering geek... cant blame? Excuses!!! Just have to keep to my motto I guess, Ruin yourself but dont destroy others.

I have friends sharing the same plight... Xiao / Da bai cai, Ma ling Shu. This festive season, lets hope whats in store for us. The blessings and blastings each and everyone will receive, its the season of sharing. Do not bottle oneself up, Do not live a life like me.... share your joys and smiles with me and I will pour my sorrows and jeer at the kiddish past I shed every time we recollect our thoughts.

I guess, your friendship may just be one of my prized possesion. Never say never, never give up, because Everything's all worth while, if you'll just smile.

The beginning of an end

2005-11-27T19:17:00.000-08:00

As predictable as the dawn and dusk, time for me to don my ranks and shoulder the responsibilities to serve my country (or is it my bond). The previous weeks were gruelling and dull battling the cold dry air of the library scaling the "heights" of all the consolidated lecture, tutorial and past year papers. Been there done that, here I show appreciation to my "brother in arms" who never fail to spur each and everyone on during our march towards the end of the exams.

So much to say, who will listen?
Things for you to hear, but what should I say?
Much has happened as days are here to stay
Life first, Things second, so what do you say

The best is yet to be

PatriX

A Personal interview

2005-10-29T09:24:00.000-07:00

Really have to get used to living it out alone i presume ... yes, today is a weekend and I am not sure if I can use the word usual, but I guess just say I am stranded at home.

Question: "Why dont you just go out?"
Answer : "I would really love to, but I guess everyone's busy"
Question: "Where's everyone and what are they doing?"
Answer : "The answer lies in WHO is everybody, I reckon everyone is busy with life"
Question: "Why not you get a life like everyone else then?"
Answer : "If only I know what I want in life ... not just big cars, cash stacks"
Question: "You must be lonely, just get yourself a girlfriend like everyone else"
Answer : "Love is not a cure for lonliness, it'll be unfair for both parties"
Question: "Don't sound so miserable, comparatively, you are so much blessed than others"
Answer : "Thats a question I admit defeat, its the way I think, the things I interact and my SELFISH characteristic"

Handle a few exchange of words with my mum, still couldnt believe what I replied to her. Got to be the stress level of the exams I hope. But deep within, I know what will be worst ... it'll be the end of the exams. Must have been a curse, its been a year ... a year ago, I knew my greatest challenge was not the exam but the end of the exams itself. I doubt most will know what I am probing about, but who cares eh? I havent been really opening up to anyone ever since.... or have I ever tried before?

I am tired. Smiles ... true ones... frm the heart, I smile alot to myself always conjuring up cranky senarios to brighten up myself. I guess I talk too much to myself, maybe thats why I always complain alot of being lost and feeling lousy which in turn drift myself further away frm the crowds. Had interviewed many before on what are the stuff they do and concept of happy life. Answer: Car, Money, Girlfriend, Good Grades. Cant beat them join them? Shall see...as of now, cant wait for the lonely walk after the hell week(I wish this exam never ends, its true, you wont know how I feel).

PatriX

Tingling Sensation

2005-10-10T23:30:00.000-07:00

Currently in the Library of Mister Lee Wee Nam, something new for a change I will try to get this entry done like some typical blogger who must get his/her mental thoughts pinned down every sec of their lives.

The event of the day is where I had a dream... like the title above, a tingling sensation. Alright, its not a wet dream or whatsoever... or was it filled with morbid thoughts and insanities. It was some sort of meeting someone...

There are periods when I do feel most lonely and may crave for attention or companionship, but the jaded and tired side of mine never fail to suppress all those unjustifiable and useless emotions that one should have.

Back to the dream, yes, I met a girl... some typical on the road senario where was tasked with an errand or some sorts(dreams dun make sense right?) There and then the story just drifts on frame to frame... and you know what was the finale? "She" told me that she was on a study scholarship with the Police force!

My goodness ... the mind does play tricks ... I guess that dream was more like a wake up prank. The feverish state of my mind sometime really makes me wonder if I am suitable for life in a stressful society like in SG? But well.... 2 decades plus, havent reach end of the world, guess I am doing well.

Conclusion: I was reminded I am a regular, I am single, craving for companionship and lonely, dreams are all lies... how can there be a girl of my dreams that's residing her life tied to a uniformed organization?(or is there? You'll never know)

PatriX

Who gives a Damn

2005-10-04T08:34:00.000-07:00

Forsaken But Not Forgoten
Forgiven But Not Forgoten
Forgone definitely not Forever

Time blazes pass and the above 3 statements vaguely explains the little insane jolts of "inspiration" i get now and then. Anyway, it'll be hard for the normal to fathom my state of mind and what I mean. I guess thats just normal. Why bother, who cares ? At the end of the road, you get what u want, I would be there to drag you down. Everyone's happy so be it.

A sinner I am, I forgot my mum's birthday last week. Was totally engrossed and bogged down with all the reports and assignment deadlines, until I was jotting down the date on my tutorial sheet "03 10 05", then I was "HEY! What happened to 30 SEP!" Miracle happened I guess ... never ever thought I will get myself in the state I study too much!

Ever so well ... to over come a loss, one will have to find another. There will always be dates where I would forget, numbers, digits and memories that will forever tingle, haunt and linger. 5th Oct, I guess its been like more than 6 years ago when this date carved into the grey matter of mine hahhaa.... but well as of now, it just served as a milestone.

The feelings long forgotten, bonds are just meant to be broken
You may have been forgiven, but the memories will always linger
I must have been forsake, so just let it serve as a lesson

PatriX

Whatever ...

2005-10-02T03:18:00.000-07:00

There are times when I feel that whatever I put into, whatever I care and passionate towards are turned on a deaf ear. Others will just sneer, ppl will just jeer ... what a fool for holding such hopes and dreams.
Caught in the dilemma whether to join the crowd or face the fury of the majority. I feel rather dumb at times... for example, I've been appointed so called "leadership" position for so many academic projects and modules. YES, I admit, I am not academically inclined and hardworking ... but when I see the group form for the first time, everyone pushing the role of responsibility around ... something within me just volunteer to take the shit.

I am cursed I guess, I just cannot explain the actually feeling ... when asked who is the leader, silence bestowed the newly formed group where all are trying to probe into each other trying to form new bonds and friendship. When crunch time comes, all shrug their shoulders, head tilt down ... "thousand one ... thousand two...." all the way until a name is "arrowed", "nominated" or shouted across ..."CHANGE!" heads up: "Yeah... great idea, he/she should be the leader ....."

Undergrads ? Students ? Future leaders ? Whatever!!!

Anyway, much more disheartening is when I survey around my peer's fate, they always get through as the follower's task ... and feedback is not to get into leader position as far as possible .... its USELESS and REDUNDANT, giving ownself extra pressure of becomin the slavedriver and have to wipe the asses of useless teamates. Talking about useless team mates, I have encountered numberous ... but the most recent case is my Business Presentation. As usual, PatriX, the WAYANG and RESPONSIBLE chap took the reins and named the skipper of the team. In the team there's this particular chap, skipped all the group meeting the AUTHORITATIVE leader always assigns ... always missing in action.

Assigned with a analysis of my busniess proposition, upon recieving his part of the work ... instead of adding it into the integration I found myself scrapping 80% of his crappy and overlapping and obviously took only 10 mins to document as all.... I mean ALL!!!! the points within were my ideas when I convey my intention on what to do. EFFORT, at least ... i mean at LEAST he showed some effort (ought to be glad) not like the ABNN*, which fly kite for all the lab and eventually came back to the lab and copied my codes and took the grades which Mister Sucker Patrick provided for.

Getting back to my business proposal, I told myself to give him another chance, maybe I am a FUCKED up leader to being with. I do not emboss leadership qualities or too stupid to have enough EQ on how to handle ppl. The presentation will be the time when both of us can redeem ourselves of the "sins". Right at 11pm, day before presentation, he called in thru another group mate that he damaged his knee and just fly the team kite! You know the best part? HE IS A REGULAR OFFICER of the < REPUBLIC OF SINGAPORE AIR FORCE >

Regulars !!! Scholar somemore ... you know there was a time I took up so much pride about my officership and to protect the sovereignty of my country. Majorty just stamp me down and gave the "WTF, you are a *(&#@$&*^ regular" look but always give politically correct answers "Oh, we contribute to the nation differently, please dun f*ck my country up like my PC,OC, CO last time" Cant blame them, I have faced so many examples of screw ups ... I am jaded.

You dont do your part wanna get marks ... I am used to IT!!!! NTU, best engineering school that produce great engineering graduates can plagurize and leech but score high marks in exams because all know how to spot answers and give answers the lecturers are looking for! But that arse sabotage my presentation, made me cover for his part. Is there karma? Am I planting bad karma for tell-taling on others online? Do you think I am a wuss who dares only to write HTML codes online instead of facing the authorities ?

As a matter of fact, I had! Many a times... feedback up to the school about the loopholes! But we all know that "WHO FUCKING CARES!", just go to exam get ur grades, we teach engineering, not moral ed or integrity. The subjects on moral values should have been taught during secondary school, so the university culture not responsible for it.

As usual, after all the bitching ... the only thing to do is to go one corner and lick the wounds. No one will care, why the effort to share. Maybe the authorities will take this entry and charge me to incite bad reputation for the education image of singapore which may tarnish the reputation of becoming a regional educational hub. The SAF may just throw me into DB and revoke my LSA ... but what I said were the truth. I understand the lack of control because of a big orgnaization and the high turn-over rate which in turn forced the armed forces to "lay long" officership to scholars who can study but cannot command.

Yeah, whatever ... everythings a business right now. Everybody's changing and I dont feel the same. Who knows? Who cares? Why bother, you'll just a simpleton who thinks too much, talks too much and wasting the resources of the other more competitive counterparts who deserves more credit with the achievements. Losers will always be branded as losers...

PatriX

Routine

2005-09-11T05:24:00.000-07:00

Its been a while ... the limited fans may ask what have I been up recently? Embarking on those lonely rides down the suburbs? Trashing amist the crowds looking for new partners for company? Or as usual comtempating with the Yes or No we have with life? As a matter of fact, I have been living a routine.

Ought to have like 2 months ago, I forsake those thoughts. Maybe its the approach, maybe its the personality, I think must be the face! Anyway, it doesnt really matter at all now. But the only mystery that had left be pondering for a while... "Am I really that repulsive?". For that, I'll never know.

Fate is mesmerizing, fate is uncanny, fate is cruel. Like an injured creature, I threw myself in a corner pacifying oneself on its injured ego. When I heard my prev love got hitched ... there was this crushing blow of defeat that overwhelmed me. To think I totally convinced myself that I can get over, but I guess I am nothing but human... I still cant forget the first, much less the second. Maybe I havent moved on as yet, maybe I am weak emotionally, or till now I havent stop facing my nemisis "Lonliness"

Lets come back to my routine. As a typical geeky engineering undergrad, I just totally love to indulge myself with the hectic 8 - 5 lecture stints, together with tutorials and not forgetting to place the icings the lab sessions and reports. WOW! Exciting eh? As I finished with the sentence, my heart should had *plopped* hit rock bottom... but I guess I have got used to it. There have been scientific experimentations on slowly heating a frog in a bowl of water and in turn cooking it alive. I am way too tough than the frog... I will place the guy who even thought of putting me in the pot into the grinder, faster and efficient.

Living a life I call my own... to complete the bond. This excuse is the ultima I give for everything I failed to hold on to. My temper, my moods, my mates, my love. As for now, to live a life... making everything as monotonous and dull as possible. Because when things hit rock bottom.... there's only 1 way to go and its up.

Lets see what fate holds, I dun think I am in the best state of mind to say anything as yet.

PatriX

Reflection - 230805

2005-08-22T18:56:00.000-07:00

There's something wrong with me, for I am certain
It just seems that life for me have lost all directions

Regardless the empty feeling that lingers within me
I guess there maybe nothing in me to being with...

Everything I learnt of feels so unrealistic and fragile
Sometimes I just hope to awaken and find myself in Utopia

Misery loves company as in drama they potray
Guess I rather sulk alone sit in the corner and pray

Lotsa ppl seek religion for their eventual enlightenment
For me, logic, reasonings and arguments?

Many will just comment on my pessimisium as being redundant
I think they are right but I havent yet found out my answer

My Way or the Highway

2005-08-18T07:47:00.000-07:00

My thoughts are always in a blur
With the world's equilibrum in a confusing swirl
I write things that are so confusing
Even I myself dont find it convincing
Have to file down my horrendous english
Just to learn to speak your language

p/s: use simply words for better understanding and clarity

PatriX

Year 3 Semester 1 - What has become of me?

2005-08-17T07:15:00.000-07:00

Time flashes pass so ever quickly, just like the mathematical equations that "insane" scientist conjured up. They can derive all sorts of measurements from area dimensions to speed and time and space, since they are so smart, how come no one yet able to measure happiness?

Blink of an eye, I forge onwards the 3rd year of my University journey ... looking back in my 3 years of poly days, everything feels so transient. What had I done during my younger academic years? Only some will know, little will remember and nobody cares. Looking back at nonchalent and carefree times, was I happier then?

Alike the Titanic, the maiden voyage of love sunk many dreams and shook the world just like how mine was affected. Not all is lost, from it, slowly gathered back a new me, bestowed with strengths and virtues I never had. Even after the subsequent loss of another love, I guess the immunity kicked in ... till now, I still dun know why but does it matter?

The semester feels rather lighter frm previous initial ones. At least the 3 years spent havent really went the drain ... I miss the lectures, the atmosphere, the laughters, my KFC tutorial group, my girl (love, hate, reminisce, whatever). As of now, without the hectic schedules, theres a sense of emptiness as though I have too much time on hand.... For those who know me, I am not the studious type but I dun realli like rotting away at home too.

Too much time on hand, duno where to spend. There were initial thoughts of getting involved in some ECA but whenever I am reminded that I am supposed to "WAYANG" just like how I hate to when in green, the urge just diminish. Like a typical hormone raging teen, when lonliness kiks in, he seeks for companionship. Just like fiction and comedies, I had my fair share of the see-saw events where reliving the moments can literally jerk tears (joy or sorrow, I dun know).

Once potrayed as passionate, patriotic and prancing currently laid back, lazy and loathing. A person alias "Spears" commented once that blogs should write about the happy things. I wonder why I am the direct inverse? Too much time, no where to spend? Have to go out and expose myself more to the world?

To be the majority, you gotta participate in their activities
Staying with the minority, you will gain only sympathy
How about feeling happy? Do we have wear thy masks?
For my heart belongs to nobody, not now, not then, till ashes to dust

Light up my life

2005-08-08T21:42:00.000-07:00

Was sitting on the tarred pavement of marina bay on the eve of my country's 40th year independance. With the rapid progression of our ancestors and their "never say die" spirit, we proved the region wrong and displayed our mettle showing the red dot is worth their salt. Getting back, patriotic as ppl may name me ... I am sincere and honoured to have underwent 23 years with my nation but today, I was there for the flares.

I saw fellow participants gearing up with equipment that even put the broadcasting stations to shame. There they were setting up their tripods, erecting the camera that eye up into the dark skies whilst exchanging views on getting the best shots and their previous achievements of "that day I went siloso beach and clicked at the bit**hes..." Well, one thing is for sure the main agenda on everyone's mind was 12 midnite (fireworks display)

5...4....3...2.....1....... fountains, i really mean fountains of sparkles lit the opposite bays across my shore. With the rhythm of our anthem, the public was welcomed with candles they had awaited on the DIY benches and tables they brought along and couples on the soft cushion on each other's embrace. Then and there, everyone was entralled and immersed within the bustling ambience.

From the silos it is flung into the air, running its own race to the vast open heavens awaiting for the right place and time, showing what it is made off, exploding the beauties and sparkles that had been emplaced within. Years or maybe months of preparations on that particular rocket from mining of the gunpowder to the chonograph of the fireworks display, its then and there just for a split second its purpose had been fulfilled. To amaze, to entertain, to churn out the "woos and Ahhs".

Events will fall into place ... just have to wait for the right day, right place, right time. Even if its just for a moment, I wont mind burning out. As long as you see who I really am, who I truly am ... To be able to answer myself for not wasting the resources that have been put into me since infant years till now, not forsaking the love and care from my family, earning my place as a trusted, loyal, sometimes rather destructive friend ... Light up the skies

With the celebrations over, actually majority will forsake another beautiful sight .... the clouds and misty heavens. Everything calm with the dust clearing and the air silent, cinders and ashes settle back with gravity ... Take sometime to look into oneself and appreciate. For the best thing in life aint the evetually accomplishment of the target/event/goal but the journey towards it and the aftermath that really touches the heart.

You Light up my Life...

PatriX

Rule Number 1

2005-08-01T18:42:00.000-07:00

Retail Therapy

2005-07-31T09:04:00.000-07:00

Since prehistorical times, ppl have been engaged in exchanges of barter and trade. Through advancement, we now have "mordernized" the activity into a lucrative and civilized past-time, Shopping!

Every lady's dreams to participate in shopping hauls and brawls, immersing totally into the "game" with their innate 6th sense locating the next scampering prey (which in this case, item of purchase). Blessed with a limitless credit line, the full wrath of femine empowerment will be released onto the service / retail sector of the economy thus injecting vibrancy.

What makes them tick? The shiny studs, slick cuttings, flirtatious laces, slinky shades, exquisite adornments, elegant gowns or garments dabbled with screaming colours. Not mentioning the numerous body care services that can totally pamper one till the heavens. Imagine having a full body treatment SPA session with pedicurists fluttering by the side, a hairstylist flipping the pages of the newest fashion mag for ur hair-do and having an attendee dishing u fresh cool juices with a dash of grapes and strawberries delievered onto ur lips...

I have seen husbands, boyfriends, flings dumped rotting beneath the parapets of the mannequins as their vision lurch at the "battling" partners so energised and engrossed, totally different flabergasted and bewildered individual that ever so lost in the kitchen as soldiers lost in the fields. Really have to see to believe, words just cant deliever the agony and impact of all the "lost souls" of the shopping mall. With orphaned males scattered everywhere, a pinch of relieve of singlehood shimmers above me ... for a while, when they kiss and make up at the cashier where the actual mauling finishes within a few swip and keystrokes, there's no one beside me (hahaha, lonely but intact ego and wallet)

Actually, even guys get into the mood to groove on the malls for a do over, pampering or maintenance of the metropolistical society. There have been suggestions of wardorbe revamps, makeovers and equipment upgrades. To a certain extend, purchasing and the reception of a new item is rather refreshing and provides for a temporary feeling of renewal.

Re-energized, for sure one will feel lifted and confident to make the extra mile for his/her journey. Male / Female, everybody loves a jolt of retail therapy now and then. I too have been struck before when you just feel that certain item is calling for you. No matter how much one delude, refraining even the slightest thoughts you will eventually succumb to the lure and destiny of owning that shirt, pants or item.

Shopping's my past time too! From another perspective, I love hunting for "buys" of smiles and joys. Gatherings, meetups, parties, talk cock sessions over the soccer court or coffee shops .... Big or small, major or ad hoc sessions with who I call friends.

The sight and exchange of "warm" welcomes littered with "embraces" and "smooches" on the physical and ego self are always testimonies advancements to the mellowing of friendship. Events like how I break the beds (twice!), enforcing my status as the Apocalypse of the group, getting into cranky situations where we break the rules, sweat, toiled, wailed and bled. We are still together!

My shopping trips always bring back the dearest items on the shelves. I get back the joys and mirth of YOU. With life a bed of roses with friends, there'll still be thorns which lace the memories with solace that will even carve a deeper remembrance of the events.

The 4th element of time will be ever charging into new eras and space, history has been mapped and created as of now, "Back to the Future" still remains a movie. Definatly friends are not items on the shelves for choice or collections, not trophies of glamour but customers along side who found their comrades within the enduring mass foraging for the next SALES together in arms.

PatriX

Paradox of Time

2005-07-27T08:28:00.000-07:00

And so it is, humanity progressed leap and bounds ... salutes to the perserverance, passion and creativity of mankind to reach where we stand now. Reign supreme, stamping authority on the very ground air and sea that embraces the very exisitence. Gone were the days of tranquil, to be greeted with warm reception of the morning smiles and sincere well wishes but the routine shoulder barges and fanciful footwork of a samba soccer mastro performing his wares amist the crowd of communters. Something to ponder about, is progress a good thing? From my point of view, I see the advancement and progress is actually inversely pegged against the morality and civil-mindness.

We have taller buildings but shorter tempers, have bigger houses but smaller famillies
We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgement, more experts yet more problems, more medicine inversely less wellness
We've learnt how to make a living but not life
We've add years to life but not LIFE to years
We've multiplied our possessions but divided our values
We've communication networks so advance yet find it difficult to greet our neighbour next door
We conquered outer space but not inner space
We write more but learn less
We learn to rush but not to wait (SAF does it great)

These are times of fast food and slow digestion, big man and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships
These are times of dual income compensated with fancier accomodations and living but broken homes and divorces

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom

A time where deceit, lies and cheats claim it all where the righteous, honest and bold are the fools
A time where everything buzzes around the economy where nothing much is done to the society

So much to say, too much to think, all talk no action, will I cease to stay?

PatriX

Do you have what it takes

2005-07-21T00:48:00.000-07:00

A typical blog entry will have to include the mundane tasks and happenings, I too went thru much this week. A rather hectic, stressful but eventful period to the finishing line of my attachment but crawling towards the commencement of my semester. To end is just for readying another start, so meanwhile during the transition it'll be nice to do some reflection.

Those who know, I don the rank and have been tasked to lead the formation of signals. In 2 years time, I'll have a platoon of 30 plus either stabbing needles into voodoo images of mine or cheering me on for their welfare well taken for? Do you have what it takes to earn the authority sending out orders for compliance. Best military leadership to confer onto my shoulders, how true is that? With that award / milestone I attained, I am as well fall harder if a munity slams straight in my face.

Attended the wedding of kai's sister wedding, a thought of leading a life together with someone. The level of commitment and compromise in order to plough through the "fields of marriage" to eventually reap bliss and a utopia of love. Actually thought through the amount of courage to pop the question, its not "hey, wanna apply HDB together or not". That verse is an actual sterotype SG guys to geeky bookworms always losing out to those savvy talking, loud mouth, promise you the starts multiple partners expatriates. (no choice, girls always like bad guys)

Sitting at a banquet was the bride's JC classmates who belonged to the academic elites of attaining their Phd, striking of successful careers with majority of them retrieving their CARpark redemption from the waitresses. Dining above majority at 60th storey overlookin the skyline of the CBD, it was a lustrious event of joy and laughter celebrating the love of 2. Here I wish the male and female lead of the night a blissful marriage follow a journey littered with stars and the silvery moon.

On my way back, I saw an advertisment. Rallying for officers into the SAF, baiting the young men/women with the attractive scholarship awards. Honestly, how many can be considered as good leaders? Came across peers and pals, I have to admit, not majority are cut for the job to lead. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice to take a chance upon others.

Anyway, the point I wanto drive at ... Leadership to a certain extend can be inculcated into a person. But eventually, there will always be limit to where one will go if he/she doesnt have what it takes. I believe someway or another, a leader is born. Not as in upon concieved, that foetus has the right set of DNA replicating the best traits of a true leader. A number of factors like upbringing, personal characteristics/personality and the environment of social interactivity plays the role of nuturing a leader.

An altrusitic view, I hope the future man/women enlisting into the corps will have what it takes ...

Meanwhile, I'll keep on living ... maybe one day I can ask someone "Lead a life with me...."

PatriX

Cant take eyes off YOU

2005-07-14T09:34:00.000-07:00

Typical rush hour morning, brisking amist the torrent waves of human traffic for my ride. Sights were focused on the route of advancements onwards my bus terminal as the mundane nature of 9 - 5 workers begin their morning rituals. In every stage of achieving and completion of a target / goal / objective, one will most definitely have to travel.

Binocular vision gives us a near 180 degree perspective of the journey infront. How abt the other 180? Maybe thats why they always say there's another side of the coin, or my say; Look on the bright SIDE of life. More than ever, in our ever changing and transforming society, many are swept along by the ever changing tides and more than often enroached, embedded in the rat race. Slow down, you'll see peers overtaking. Feeling left behind, a sense of emptiness or loss may either spur into enlisting amist the chase for admission to the "Creme da la Creme" or jack the hand brakes for a quiet moment. The sad thing is, once you stop, most probably you'll get a stampede of comments getting you back into gear for the material chase.

I have my views on who I wanto be, what I wanto do, what are my commitments and most of the time, an unrealistical challenge towards myself to stay the same; being different from others (Totally self condictary, guess the grey matter within are corrroding). Who doesnt want to shine atop the platform where he / she stands in the limelight, touching the lifes of others. To lead, so much has been said on the different forms of leading ... do I have what it takes?

Getting back on the journey, we keep track on what and who we see in front of us. To avoid the obstacles by making a detour or facing towards the challenges, to hit upon an opportunity or rekindle a historical link? For me, thoughts will just flood the memory banks clouding my motor judgement at times but well I dun walk into lamp post or drains as yet. An eventful day, a glimpse struck me off "PatriX Realm", I got into another focus. First time, my attention was drawn towards an individual. I admit I was guilty of commiting the strict penal codes towards being a stalker. The sides, her back ... yes its a HER, I am just but human right, the testostorones kicked in I guess.

Curtaining amist the bodies, everything was locked on momentarily ... senses, thoughts ... "whose that" I wondered. Like a drama coincident, she halted my queue. Wearing a gentle gaze, basking her face into the aurora's gift with the rays bouncing of the radiance from the soulful eyes. A draft lifted her locks, highlighting the youthful aura of the angelic silhouette.

Wishing the trip will never end, only when the bus stopping for passengers where my concentration will be temporarily tore away for the prevention of missing my destination otherwise the back of hers was infront of my mind. Flowing and winding to the usual route, I was anticipating her alight so I could get a frontal view. But time and again, her fidgets only managed to skip the beats of mine as my wish of getting off together was getting closer ...

Alas, it was time to get over the morning crush ... just as I rose to the spirals down, my prayers were answered. The match played into extra time where I blishfully endow the endomorphines into overtime. Floating n gliding stealthfully, I guess my gigiantic frame took over the role of courage and made notice my presence. Ego taking over, I overtook on the pretence nothing happened at all ... I was like "goodness, you blew it! told ya to shrink down ... did you listen... NO..oo..oo"

Hope has always been mankind's trusty ally for all the ordeals we came by through history, guess fate spared me of a crushed morning. Just as I was able to betray my ally, I forsaked my pride as an egoistic boy pluckered up courage and made a turn to see her for the first and last time.

As she came into view, I was greeted back with a perculiar smile of acknowledgement. Fate's cruel, heaven play tricks, lifes a puzzeling piece of mystery, could u believe that a teen crush was the someone who lighten up my day! A simple greeting embossed with a pint of cowardice, I didnt even got a contact. Then and there, I won and lost ... a milestone till now I wanto document for she was, is and always be the one;

cant take my eyes off YOU

PatriX

Wishes can come true, are dreams meant to?

2005-07-11T09:27:00.000-07:00

Sparkles of ripples by the stream
You grazed across, it aint a dream
Just too good to be true
Cant take my eyes of you
Everything was a blur
Flabbergasted, loss of reaction
Devastated, I stoned loss in translation
Heart is drenched in wine
With only you in my mind
Dont know why I didnt ........

Really unlike the staunch nature of mine, but I admit defeat and quite a loss of composure. Its been a long time, such a period where this wierd tingling feeling struck me. Think I lost standard for this post anyway, but I guess this entry will serve as a memory. A milestone? Not the ambient nature where one would conjure within the romantic confines of movies or stories, nevertheless a special moment.

Serendipity they call it? Nah, I never had been that lucky anyway ... Just hopeful and glad that someone made my day. Who can that be? You'll never know....

PatriX

Reason of Existenance

2005-07-09T20:57:00.000-07:00

"War of the World" - depicts the fragile and arrogant nature of mankind. Once within the comfort zone of our exisitence, homosapiens began to percieve enplaced high up top on the food chain. Unknowingly, will there ever be a supreme being watchin over the pitiful and pathetic organisms who cant even get harmony and sociality into their biological mindset. In turn, always conspiring against each others well being and exisitence.

Supreme ruler of Earth or just chumps who find joy empowering own-kind with multiple chores and duties ever since birth till death to release all the responsibilities?

The reason to fight on, to stay on, to reign and to rule....

The law of nature - never to retreat into the shadows of defeat, not going down without a fight.

Even bugs flee upon showered by DDT, in the case of being stamped on, they make sure ur shoes get smudged. Adrenaline, our fight or flight hormone have pushed on our survival for centuries eversince civilization? or even before... When cavemen get threatened upon a rampage by the mammoths, they get their spears to whack the fella or off the heels and run like yelping dogs.

I am much more of a simple guy. Never ever had face life threatening, race exterminating alien invasions or global warfare. Riots and social unrest are just topics I flip and concuss in history classes. The only stuff that bothers me is like, what to eat for meals, where to go next, who I wanto meet in the future, what I wanna do, Am I realli worth my salt of existenace.... - ppl say I think too much and burden upon the mental till an unecessary scale.

Maybe thats what makes everyone different? Hope I will be proud of myself, eventually.

Anyway, this post is to congratulate my buddie DEMING. For his near 2 years of patience and perserverance finally paying off. Reunited, after a seperation of 1 year 8 months, no face to face talk time! It was totally like having a cyber relationship with only phone calls to soothe the strains of companionship.

It comes to the reason of existenance I pin upon. HOPE. With hope from both parties, they gritted on and pinned upon all their dreams and promises for reconcilation.

Hereby, I send my deepest and sweetest wishes to Duckieee and Regine. The best is yet to be.

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

The Rat Race -- wheres the cat ?

2005-07-06T08:11:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder what spurred the growth of entrepreneurs; I see so many reading upon "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" and all those financial / management or leadership books. Seriously speaking, have anyone came out with a book that recorded upon the events that "I did it with the help from (so and so)". From my perspective, I reckon to succeed, each will have his/her own unique management/handling and success story. None of it will be the same.

The only chap raking in big bucks is the Jap who managed to CONvince everyone to understand the game of escaping the finacial loop? Humans are weak in the mind, but once they manage to overcome the mental barrier, skies the limits! Recently stumbled upon issues, Lance Armstrong's "LIVE STRONG", Roger Bannister's "4 min mile".

Mister Armstrong -> survival of ordeals, obstacles... how many can get thru testicular cancer, falling into life threatening conditions yet bounce back so high up.... so way high up clinching the Tour de France upon his recovery.
"... before then, I was only living but now I LIVE STRONG."
- Lance Armstrong

A maestro of sheer determination, passion and dreams! A gentleman that deserves everyone's salute and respect. If everyone holds his perserverance, nothing can fail us at all. A true example I admire of!

Roger Bannister, I dun think many of us will know of his presence. But he was the first guy who managed to crash the perception where human beings cannot be conditioned to hit 1 mile(ard 2.4km) within 4 min. Just like previously when ppl fixed upon the misconception that the earth is round until mister chris proved them wrong(was it him or some other guy)?

From Roger, humans are followers. We see things can be done, we follow and claimed that it's a success story of our own. Rich kids like Adam Khoo who bragged upon the fact of his success story where he shrugged off his prof's suggestion of getting down to earth owning a job before striking it out. But anyone considered his family's so freaking rich he can afford to lose.

Singaporeans, all converting to AMERICA dream full time. What they want is $$$, $$$ and $$$. Many can forsake time, passion, friends, relations. Like dot coms and bubble tea, once they see can work, everyone swarms in ... thus saturating the market and overwhelming the "trend" and dilute the stock value of the busniess. In turn, everything crashes and they blame it on government and competition.

Originality is what I seek
Dare to be different is what I want to be
Laugh and jeer at me
I'm special because there'll be no second ME

PatriX

Sweet dreams are made of these.... --Sunday, June 26, 2005

2005-07-05T05:46:00.000-07:00

As you gaze around, shadows and the blanket of the night encroaches... The mind relaxed, reminisces of the days happenings then lay down to rest as the lotion of slumber soothes the aching muscles.

Gradually, as the mind swirls with vivid images floating around then settling to a tranquil, silent state. The transittion may well be some of the most complicated n unique chemical reactivities inhibited with the human mind, but everyone, everyday have experienced before.

- A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.
- A daydream; a reverie.
- A state of abstraction; a trance.
- A wild fancy or hope.
- A condition or achievement that is longed for; an aspiration: a dream of owning their own business.
- One that is exceptionally gratifying, excellent, or beautiful

Dreams, a predicition of whats gonna happen in the future? A supressed hope, desire to achieve? Happenings of another portal? Mambo Jumbo that was conjured up by the complicated brain?

"Sweet dreams" -> what can be described as sweet? To be immersed within a candyland fill with chocolates, candies, marshmellows, soda filled pool with the surroundings littled with adorable critters and butterflies fluttering their lustrous dresses. Or speeding on the tracks burning rubber with high speed screeching INITIAL D maneuvers on your dream car? Busking at the white sandy beaches of Hawaii with grass skirts swaying while enjoying ur husk of cold coconut juice? Dropping free fall off cliffs and speeding towards hard concrete pavements as you enrage your senses with an overdose of adrenaline

Different interests, comes up with different meanings of what sweet dreams are. My life is like a dream, clearing obstacles one by one ... experiencing the journey pikcing up different "passengers" that board my bus of life.

Similar as in reality, it can speed at devilish speeds where everythings a blur and things are done just for the sake of being completed. Or it can just lay at a stand still for traffic junctions that I must make decisions to cont advancement, make a L/R turn or Astern. Breakdowns are frequent when age catches upon machinery too, therefore consistent fine tuning with love and car then the bus can carry on the journey smoothly.

As ppl board, bonds builds ... the catalsyt, time, will either ferment the relationship into vintage wine or tarnish the quality and the whole thing sours. Crumbled, they disengaged and try another bus.

My journey so far has been enriching! Not really silver spoon life, but lifes been fair to me. There have been bitter sensations behind the throat which one cant seem to rid of. Life's havent been a bed of roses and I've got the fair share of thorns but its always laced with sugary bits that urges me to forage forward for a better tomorrow.

Take this moment to recollect what our childhood dreams were, how many had been forsaken at the expenses of the realities? Would you still smile if they came true or will sneer at the naiveness of your childhood fantasies? Meanwhile, cast down all the chains of commitment and dream a little dream of .....

PatriX

You know I cant smile without you -- Saturday, June 11, 2005

2005-07-05T05:43:00.000-07:00

There's so many definition of YOU. YOU can be something one had yearn for, fought for and sacrifised time, effort, heart and soul for. A first class Honours? The dream Ferrari dream car? A bank account with the balance amount truncated due to overflow of following zeros behind ... Strike the lottery? So many many different you I have in my life.

"humans are contradictory and mindless creatures" - quoted from a laid back genius. With so much distractions and ever changing environment impaled within everyones life these days, who can differciate a saint from an insane? An act of kindness like loosening the purse strings for donations, you may end up being CON by MLM companies...(1 big reason I hate them). But when U apply plagurisium and reap the rewards getting away, others will cheer you for the hero! This world is undergoing evolution at such a pace, I am lost in transistion.

I feel sad when you are sad, I feel glad when you are glad ... wasnt life much simpler those days when my angel smiles. Sometimes memory flash floods hits me hard, totally overwhelmed reliving the blissful moments then the blurry farewells... Without the pain, never will ppl know how much they had gained

YOU - you left me for someone else ... you forsaked my efforts and said good bye, YOU are so cruel, did you ever know the blood and sweat I toiled? When i saw you left me, ur shadows slowly fading within the crowds, I felt lost ... I was confused, jaded at a total loss of words. If you chaps are guessing I got ditched, you are half right! I got ditched by success!!! When i saw the "E", I was really hit hard by the truck!

Guess its only part and parcel of life that one will not get everything he/she wants in life. I will set that as a milestone of my journey! Graditudues to all who showered me with condolences, it would be a totally different ball game the next time I get back to the court of success, meanwhile enjoy while everyone is still happy.

p/s: I still miss you

A place I own

2005-07-05T05:42:00.000-07:00

Some of the posts I wanna import from my previous portal to this place I can call my own

Reliving the days ...

2005-07-02T21:18:00.000-07:00

Operation EndureLINK was successfully accomplished 030795 at 1000 when every man RTU back to their respective spots. Another annual 3 day 2 night getalong session commemorating our historical links to JSIST's DCIS (Dip. in Comp Info Sys).

As per normal, the decor of the chosen Downtown East chalet was drapped with damp towers, the 4 limited pillows transferring ownership once each leaves for the loo or smoke, uncovered mattresses which marked the battlesites of testosterone or lets say "friendly" sparring of physical dominance. Summing the sights of the room I have 1 word -> "carnage", proven in theroy; guys are messy, but as long as the fun comes, why bother!

The attendance was realli not that suprising. Nonchalant with the females that literally cut all ties to their tertiary history, I guess all had fun with one another. For a while, I thought females are so much more emotional creatures. During my younger days in my polytechnic, they always seems to shower concern and tact to one another. Praises, encouragements, jovial greetings with sweet chirpings of the hottest gossip always seems to revolve around them. Compared to the guys, we were rowdy, bear grudges, constants disagreements and upsets, more inclined to gore and trashings.

With the sharp contrast, majority could most definitely peg the future of the both groups.
Girls -> always friends forever, my shoulder will always be there for you.
Guys -> step on my tail then you crash and burnt for eternity, read my lips and show the fists
Currently, from my sight of view ... the girls have always been so politically trained. I dont really hear of much gatherings on their part. Maybe its due to the spoilts I reaped for the 1B01/02, but U still miss her. Isnt it wierd? On the surface where everyone smiles to you, but when the shows over "Till next time...". If the meetup was a fun n enjoyable one, I'll come again, otherwise "sian, must cook up excuses -- "I gotta babysit my baby cousin" "

I am not branding all females or sterotyping anyone in particular. Its just some of the views I have came across from many during meetups where the visual and body languages show, not forgetting the innovative "fly kite" excuses from the regulars. Life is like a show, some get the lead, some play the support, some get the backstage where others get the audience role. Costumes, cosmetics, props and masks are the basic necessities of a great "play". How much will you pay for a great show?

Me? I'll give nothing at all! No masks, no props, no fakes ... 100% heart, soul and passion. Thats what I'll give for your truest friendship.

What will I give for Love? Something ... something which not many can accept, not really worth much to individuals but misery loves company. For love, I'll give my LIFE! Right now, I am "fortunate" with no agreeing females daring to take the offer. Thanks girls!

The food, the drinks, the shares of spoilts and laughter ... every was swell and dandy, thanks for the smiles dudeS !

A place we call Home

2005-06-28T17:06:00.000-07:00

Everyone has his / her favourite haunt and spot. Somewhere you declared "territory of XXX" when u are young. As you laid claim to that private piece of property, you'll leave a piece of your memory.

With time, the bonds btw the "founder" n the land deepens when more memories are interlocked. A Legacy is formed.

"This is my land, an island where I wanna be" - I still fervently remember this song which I sang. Right now, this island is where I belong and this new piece of cyber space will be where I'll re site my idealogies and emotions of life. Though I dont get much readers, but at least this is a place I'll call my own "PatriX Realm"

PatriX